Really Nervous Now - post, the second

Yeah...it is like I figured. That was a "late night I am really tired thinking too much" kind of anxiety attack. Can you think too much do you think? I mean, sometimes we just think what we think. Who says it really has to be some deep existential garbage?

It is kind of why I named the Blog the existential missy...it is SO VERY tongue in cheek. I am not that deep to be honest with you. Some things are just not that deep. I am a walk by faith kind of girl. Definitely not a prove it to me kind of girl. Sometimes I just like to ponder and write it out. It clarifies things for me. And I just don't get it sometimes. I hear people debating and talking and I wonder why all the hoopla? But that is just me. Today...right now anyway!

About this blog...there is a side to me that is saying, "You are wasing time, there are so many things you could do with your time that would make a more eternal impact, or even just help your husband to be happy when he got home from work, (dishes, laundry etc...)". But in spite of that voice there is a creative part of me that feels a need to express myself. This is a God-given capacity I have not indulged in quite some time. And I do believe that God is pleased when we express ourselves rightly - the way he created us. I do not believe in vulgarity, nor do I think that all creative expression is good. There is such a thing as self control. Quite honestly it is something we here on the earth practice very little these days. The "if it feels good, do it" movement was and is a disaster if you ask me. And yet...we have all bought into a bit. Just like we have the "must have it now" mentality. I hate that too. I really do believe the best things are worth working and waiting for. Trying desperately to instill it into my children. By example as well as word.

I have a friend that just had to move to England with her husband for a tour of duty with his job there - for two years. Foreign and scary for her. I mention this because I have often been jealous of the fact that she is being forced to simplify and pare down. She has a new slate so to speak. That cannot happen where I am unless I move...and as great as it sounds(to me from the comfort of my own home Michelle!) - I do not want to move anytime soon. But I can take some of these things she has had to do and do them right where I am. I can pare down and create a new way of thinking. Get something, give something away. Give away as much as I can. Question everything I do: How important is this? Do I have to have it? Can I live without it? These questions seem simple enough..but quite honestly..they are not so simple to put into action. I guess that is why I think where my sweet friend is is in a way a blessing...she HAS to. But it is one thing to say it here and another thing to actually have to do it.

But as hard as it may be - I do believe that it is a worthwhile thing to do. So I will try. I want to - I think the faster I do and try it the better!

Upon re-reading this...I understand that this has totally morphed into something else. If you know me - you are not surprised. Stream of conscious, unfocused mumbo jumbo!