Thursday, July 24, 2014

Cream Brûlée and Jell-O

I have been pondering things this morning. Perfection verses imperfection. I see myself sort of as the Julia Roberts character in My Best Friends Wedding. I wish I could say because of my hair or my long legs or beautiful face but no, that's not it. It is all the asinine decisions she makes.

I see myself as Jell-O.



I have a love-hate thing about this movie. I hate it, because I wanted Julianne to get the guy (I mean really who wouldn't want to get Dermont Mulroney?). But I loved that the movie didn't let her. Kimmy was - well - let's just look at this quote:

"She's annoyingly perfect and when I say that I mean there is nothing annoying about her perfection, it is vulnerable and endearing, and THAT is annoying as shit. If I didn't hate her I'd adore her."

Kimmy was willing to be so open. And she was kind. Truly kind. Of course she didn't like that Julianne was so close to Michael, and rightfully so. But for Michael's sake, she was going to overlook the past relationship and accept her as a part of Michael's life. Let's not get into how dangerous that could be down the road - but look at her heart. She was everything that quote says and it is absolutely annoying as shit (sorry -I had to borrow from the quote :P).

I have always been the rumpled, creative, seat of my pants kind of girl. I live and die by my emotions and feelings and it gets me into so much trouble. So while I am rooting for Julianne and totally get where she is coming from, she breaks my heart, because I see myself in her. Pursue what you want to the death. Thank goodness for her she did not get what she set out to get. She would have been miserable. Getting what you want is not always a good thing.

The movie actually has a happy ending.

Towards the end there is a scene that shows Julianne toasting Michael and Kimmy.



Heart breaking and such a perfect ending.

And right.

Bittersweet. And to me, that is what makes it so yummy.

Lately I have had an urge to let everyone know that I know I am a complete doofus most of the time. I want them to know that it is not something I am totally unaware of. I want to sit down and write a story about my life...about every stupid thing I did and how sorry I am for it. When I look back at all of the things I have done - whether good intentions gone wrong or just me being mule-headed and going for it in spite of it all...I have many regrets....things I wish I would have done differently. My poor parents...they are exhausted because of all my shenanigans.

But....

Regardless of what has happened in the past, I hope those that know me understand, that I will work to love every moment of my life - both good and bad, because it has brought me here. I am blessed beyond belief. This morning anyway - I think I understand how blessed I am. I see how my parents love me beyond well. Every spot on my carpet that drives me insane most days  - well today - they are a reminder of three precious boys that are growing much too fast. The crowded garage that I mean to organize and all the furniture I mean to refinish in it - are a reminder of how much we have and how God has blessed me with a husband that provides for me and loves me in spite of me. And  I feel I am the best version of myself so far. Today. (I will feel differently tomorrow - thank goodness for the occasional "todays"). And God willing it will only get better as he completes his work in me. I pin my hopes on this verse.

Philippians 1:6 
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Thankfully - most people do not think near as much about me as I think about myself. I have had so many awkward moments, the majority of my life could be a cautionary tale - but how wonderful to realize that I have such riches in spite of it all.

Life is not like a movie. Not nearly as neat. But I have hope for the future so I can get through today - with grace and love for others. It is more than so many have. I have hope that GOD will bring others to the same place, regardless of their situation.

Contentment. Thankful for it today.







Tuesday, July 8, 2014

We can't all be right....we just can't.

Christians struggle with how others see them. Anyone who understands who Jesus is and what he did and why he did it would understand that he came to bring life, and to make it more abundant. Loving your neighbor as yourself is just one of the things  he calls us to do, but he EMPHASIZES it.

Now when I saw the pic of the girl in front of Hobby Lobby holding a Chick-fil-A cup and wearing a pro life shirt, I giggled. I can only imagine the reaction of some to this picture. Then she came back and posted a pic of herself in front of the flag holding a gun and a Bible. The thing is - that does not necessarily make her a Christian. Her goal was a reaction...and she got it. I say she handled it exactly as she should have...she understands the extreme reactions that occur...hopefully on both sides of the partisan line. And she was using it to make a fuss. And it worked. (smile)

What has burdened me most about these memes...both the ones that reflect conservative beliefs as well as the ones that reflect liberal beliefs is the lack of concern and lack of  human feeling that is behind them. There is a type of respect we seem to have forgotten in our radical grip on what we see as "right". We have forgotten that there is a dignity and basic concern we should show to each other when it comes to what we hold near and dear. We cannot keep our mouths shut when it comes to having to listen to someone who believes differently than us. I have seen people attack and be bitterly offensive in their defense of their own philosophies. There is no need for that. There is no need to be mean, to belittle, to offend others by a knee jerk reaction to their idea of what is right. Just because they believe it does not mean it is so. BUT  - by listening and being respectful, who knows? We might find a grain of truth that leads us to more of a balanced place.

What has made my heart heavy the most is that both sides think the other is evil. And that is just not so. There are good hearts and fine people behind even the most bewildering of beliefs. Do I always agree with them? No. Do I have to belittle or make them feel small because I think I am right and that they are wrong? No. I do not. I want America to stay free. I want you to be able to worship the way you want. I want to continue to worship the way I want. I want to be able to express ideas that may differ from yours and I want you to be able to express yours as well.

What kills me is we act as if we want to deny others the consideration of free thought and worship, all because we want to be - right - the one who gets it, the one who truly understands how things should be. But we all have this desire and we all are a little different. And there cannot be one idea that is considered any more important or worth less than our own. Or we risk the loss of this valuable right.

What I call others to do is to find respect, if not for the person, then for that person's freedom to express themselves. Do I think it was right for the person who compared Holly Hobby up there to Reem Riyasha the Hamas jihadist? No. I think it was mean spirited and way off base, but it was their right. I shrug my shoulders and move on. Quite frankly I think Holly Hobby was a little less than classy to do hers as well. It made me laugh a little, because - dang - those things do seem to set folks off.

My goal here...is not to try to smooth things over. Being different is no big deal. Being kind, respectful and considerate of those no matter what they believe - is. Our country seems to be imploding sometimes and it is seems it might be because we all think we are right....

and that cannot be right.

Balance people...find it.

.....and find the gumption to protect freedom. Not to protect your own ideas. They are not always as important as you think they are.