Thursday, December 31, 2009

Feeling Sorry For Myself


I have tried to write for the past three days. Every time it ends up into a full blown wah wah story about how sad I am. Yes, I am sad. This last month has been hard. My husband lost his job and my life has changed once again and I hate change. But, I realize that I cannot accomplish my dreams and what I have to by moping. NO MORE FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. The fact is - we are not making enough money to pay all the bills without my working...at least 5 days a week...and maybe it will have to be full time...year round...no summers off.

I did not sleep well the last couple of nights. In my wide awakedness I was nudged again and again by my Savior. Up I got the next morning. And I went to my devotional and low and behold, what had sustained me for so long was there in front of me again...

Psalm 55:22
Cast your burden on the LORD, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.


I am always amazed at how the Lord seems to use things that have been written years before to speak to me just when I need it most. It is amazing to me that the morning I needed to be reminded that God wants me to cast my cares on him - he wants to sustain ME - that he places the exact thing in my e-mail devotional that I need to hear. It is such a small thing to have that little devotional each day and yet how HUGE that this message seems to be aimed at me for this moment, at this time in my life.

The thing is, I had been reminding myself daily how blessed we are. I had been daily counting my blessings and thanking God for all we had. When the news came that we had actually been offered a job, I was so thrilled. But when it was so much less than we had made before, I allowed myself to flounder, and fall once again into feeling sorry for myself. But my hope was no longer in the Lord, it was in whatever job my husband had and the salary it provided. This is not the basis of my hope. But for whatever reason...I forgot that.

Isaiah 40:
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.


I hitched up my britches and thumbed my nose and started over again. I will not allow myself to continue to mourn something that is obviously not meant to be. I had stopped reading my Bible...I had given in to depression and I was soul-sick. But that would be no more...my hope is IN THE LORD! I can run and not grow weary. I can walk and not faint...more than that - I will soar on wings like eagles! (Please read Isaiah 40 - it is such a freeing and uplifting passage - beautiful! wonderful!)

wow.

WOW!

It should be a great testimony to the Lord how he chooses to provide for us. I pray that I will continue to place my hope in him, and not of the things of this world. I ask my friends to pray for me as well.

So - here we go - THE NEXT GREAT ADVENTURE....

I can't imbed it - but if you are interested in hearing really encouraging song...here it is.

TheGreatAdenture - Steven Curtis Chapman
Giddyup!