Monday, October 13, 2014

Where do I run?

I will be the first one to tell you that I have been a little put out with Facebook and Pinterest, and assorted blogs....


We are WAY too aware of ourselves....and we think we are WAY too important. And WAY too clever....and that our opinion is worth something.


I know. I am the same exact way.


I do believe that there has been a bit of a maturing process for me in the last few years though.
I think...I HOPE....


I have come to my blog proclaiming my irritation with trying to keep up with all of the folks that proclaim their greatness via various venues (love that alliteration). But I must say I was one of those people. Back in the day...2 maybe three years ago...and would have been prior to that had I all of the social media available to me then. I was a pro at it all...breast feeding, disciplining, balanced diets for 3 babies 3 and under....I had it under control. And I would tell you so.


But it was all I did. I did not have to publish this stuff. I did not have to post pictures of what all we were doing. I wore the baby puke like a brooch. But I was kind of old when I had the babies. I was ready to stay at home and waller in my babies and whatever they produced. I learned fast that my world was no longer mine - but theirs. And I was okay with it. I loved it. I was thankful for it. I knew my limits. Trying to do choir and music team at church proved too much for me even. So I hunkered down and enjoyed the ride. But baby - had I the means - I would have proclaimed to you how good I was at what I did.






I thought things would get even easier as the boys got older. Not really easier - actually a little harder.  I have young people. What I have found is that tweenies and teens prior to driving, have social lives and school requirements that keep me on the road and with my hands full pretty much every day. Plus I started working full time knowing that in a few short years they would be in college and the activities that are preparing them for college can be expensive...especially when you have three about the same age. AND I am dealing with hormones - mine leaving me and their's ramping up. I have to work HARD at saying NO so that I can be home to take care of my husband and my home - and stay somewhat organized. There are days I am swamped with my expectations and their expectations and other's expectations and I panic. I am overwhelmed and I run.


Where I run is either my salvation or my undoing.


If I run to the television, or my books or social media....I find I am only putting off the inevitable break down that will leave me in the bed for a weekend. Honest truth.


But when I run to my heavenly father, I find rest and peace.


I have found that thanking God in the midst of my over-whelm-ed-ness....seems to pull my act together...knots the frayed ends and draws my scattered vision upward. In sitting on my couch being still after reading his Word I find rest. I am encouraged and my tank is filled. By lifting my voice to God I am pulled together and made whole again...


What is it we expect? I think back before all of the social media expectations were a lot less than they are now. There was a simplicity to the job of "mom" and "wife". Mainly because we were the ones that defined it for ourselves. I did not feel the pressure I do now.


I will be the first one to tell you that I do not do it right. I just do it by the grace of God....and I can trust that it is sufficient. That is just pure wisdom given by God. I am not all that and a bag of chips. But I can do this - through Christ who strengthens me. So very thankful.


Matthew 11:
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”



But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.



Monday, October 6, 2014

It is not all up to me...

It's too much....




We live in an incredibly tough time. Between Facebook and all of the status updates on how much other's are doing and how well they are doing we make it hard to live a simple life. And then we have Pinterest to make us feel like we are just not doing it well enough - ever. But we keep going back and looking.... 


We want to measure up....It is poo. But it is still true.


I generally thumb my nose at these things - I have become quite good at setting a low standard for my fellow moms.


Who am I kidding. I SAY that. But I work hard at making it seem like I don't care.


Truly - when I am being honest I will tell you that my heart longs to be all things to all people. I grieve that I cannot be what other's need me to be. It is true.


It is a waste of my energy though. And it is a desire that is born out of my own need to be important, to please people to appease my neediness.


I can feel this little rubber band that pulls tighter and tighter with every post I read, with every new recipe and idea that is presented to me and there are days when that rubber band snaps. It hurts like hell realizing that a lot of what I do is for naught. That I just can't do it.


I can tell you now that I know of no way to fix it - permanently anyway.


I am not an organized person. I am not a high energy person.


There is only one thing I can claim that makes my desires and all my loose ends settle...


Knowing that in spite of my imperfections - that I am a child of God. He knows me inside and out and though I hurt him repeatedly with my bad choices and consistent pushing aside of his voice - he pursues me relentlessly. It always comes back to him. Always. I am amazed and gratified at this knowledge...I am loved in spite of myself.


Matthew 6:  33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


This is all I am required to do. The rest will be added. Today I am walking in this knowledge.


I am thankful that it is not all up to me.