Fulfilled

This morning, as I sat on my couch, watching old Felicity episodes and folding scads of clothes, my heart felt like it would bust.

There is no good reason for me to be this happy. Financially my quitting my job has put us in a very tight spot. My sweet husband does not harp on it. He does not complain or even bring it up. But I know it is always in his mind.

How blessed I am to have him.

I should be worried. I should be tearing up the local paper and phone lines chasing after a job. But - all I can think of is the fact that I am more content and anxiety free than I have been in six months. Six months of thinking I was having a heart attack because of my worry over a job that had more to do than I could ever get done, and the fear that I would continue to be thrown under the bus at every turn by a co-worker who apparently did not like me at all. The things I had to put up with to love her well were exhausting. And sometimes I failed miserably - which only added to my burden. I have not cried since the day I left. After months and months of crying on a weekly basis - sometimes a daily basis - I can't even begin to express the relief.

But today, I got up at my normal time of 5:30AM, read and made breakfast for my babies, got their lunches ready, drove them to school, came back and made breakfast for my husband and saw him off to work. What a blessed gift! Now I sit and fold clothes and pray over the items as I stack them - the time to be able to think about my babies and how they are growing and what they need - it is such an amazing feeling.

Comparing where I am now and where I was three weeks ago is like night and day. And it makes my heart exceedingly glad.

I know that I need to find another source of income, and soon. But the time I have had to be able to recover and to regroup and to care for my home again - has been an overwhelming and welcome reprieve. In my heart, I know that God will provide for us. And that I am exactly where he wants me to be right now. I pray I will remember these precious days and hold them in my heart as a token of God's love for me. His desire to see me - not necessarily happy - but fulfilled by him and his sustenance.

Into the glorious unknown...

Many of you know that I quit my job. About five weeks ago I decided that my life was not what God intended. There is no way I could accomplish what they were asking me to at my job and do it well. There was not enough pay to pay someone to do what I wanted to be doing in my own home. Why in the world would I be trying to pay someone to take care of my household when it was what I longed to do? That scenario of the working mom was not for me. My heart longed to be home. I am pretty sure my friends at work knew it as well.

So - I turned in my notice. Without another job to go to. My poor, sweet husband.

But what gripped me, instead of fear, was joy. Joy that I was home, joy that I got to take my kids to school again, that I would be home with them at the end of the day. There are things I have longed to do. My writing, my art, my music - now I could actually accomplish some of these things.

What if I could accomplish these things and make money? What an adventure that would be. And the thought my pastor planted in my head keeps going round and round. We do not trust God to step out and do something great for him.

So I have been brainstorming. Friends have e-mailed me and wonderful talks over delicious lunches have occured. There are many things that could work. Many things that may be able to provide the additional income as well as fulfill my talents and abilities. It is such an adventure!

Through it all, I keep thinking about a Stephen Curtis Chapman song called The Great Adventure. It is now my theme song.

So - saddle up your horses, folks.
This is the great adventure. I cannot wait to see what lies in the glorious unknown. Trusting God to lead me there.
I am looking forward to sharing it with you as it unfolds.