I Made a Whale

You heard me right. I made a whale. Last year for Vacation Bible School I was asked to help

with the

decorations. (I cannot get the s to stick with decoration- sorry)

Well...one of my biggest issues with anything is this idea that bigger is better. I mean...I don't always know where to stop. I really am not a huge proponent of bigger is better in reality. I see that sometimes a little goes a long way and can even be preferable - but I always seem to point my buggy in the "bigger" direction and run when I am in charge. I create these massive ideas in my head and get overwhelmed with them. But once I come up with them...it just doesn't seem right not to see them through. So...I had this great idea.

We were doing Jonah and the Big Fish...okay so I made a big fish...it looked A LOT like a whale though. And I wanted something the kids would be wowed by when they walked in. So I thought how hard can it be to take some plywood and a little wire and paper mache and make a whale? It truly was a simple idea but in reality quite a huge undertaking.

At first, I could not ask for help because I really was not sure how to go about telling others how to help me bend this chicken wire to the right places. It was kind of like sculpting and just needed to be bent and cut and pushed where I wanted it to go. And honestly - sometimes it just felt like it was doing itself with my hands...I really had no clue what was next. I just kind of went by the seat of my pants. When I finished the frame I was quite pleased, though cut up...no matter what I put on my arms and hands the wire always found a way to poke through...I looked like I had been in battle...most of the time not even feeling when I got poked because of my focus. Let me just say - that kind of focus - well, don't I wish I could bottle it and use it in more discretionary places...HA!

So now came the time to paper mache'. My sweet neighbors kids love crafting so I called them and told them we were ready and they came over in their swim suits. I tried flour and water at first thinking it was much cheaper and it really was. But it dried really kind of brittle and not real flexible. So I went and got wall paper paste. That worked great. We got quite a bit done. And the whale was looking really good. I was encouraged...it was quite a job - still - it was fun and it was such an amazing process to me.

Everything felt good and was going well until one afternoon I got a call from school. One of the twins' had a very bad headache and felt badly. I thought it was one of his migraines. Not a happy thing but I was going to get him and give him his medicine and we were going to lay down and get past it. I hate that he has them but it is fairly cut and dried when he has them and pretty routine so we know the drill and thankfully - they do not last long. When I got to the school, however, he was not just hurting - he was burning up! He had a 103 degree temp. I called the Dr. and took him in that afternoon. He had strep. But he did not get over the strep, even with the antibiotics. So we had to go back 3 days later and low and behold...he had Mono. MONO!

Now let me just say this, my family likes to share everything. We smack each other on the lips and drink after each other...not real sanitary and not one of us seems to care. But this...well....it made me sorry we didn't try harder to keep our germs to ourselves. We all came down with strep - mine did not go away. We were pretty sure I had Mono as well - even though the test early on showed negative. I was so sick, and so tired. It was horrible! Fortunately none of the other kids ever got it.

Well...I had this monstrosity in the basement that really needed to be finished. My Mom - sweet as she is, came up and helped with the kids. She and I also would get down there and paper mache' our hearts out. Now my problem was not necessarily getting volunteers...who really would want to come help us with the mono thing going on? Nobody - and I wouldn't ask them to either. So my Mom and I, for two days...some days with me laying on the floor of the garage I was so tired...we paper mache'd. And we finished that monstrosity. I then had to paint it...Got it done though.

The next thing was getting that critter on a trailer...it was HUGE...easily as big as a car. But we even got that done. Some other friends brought their trailer and we got it on and my husband, Andy sat in the back with the whale to make sure it didn't shift. I was a little concerned...because as hard as I had worked on the whale...I really wanted him to get there safely and not get dinged...but I love my husband more - didn't want the whale knocking him off the trailer and something horrible happening. But it got there and Andy was safe, though I am sure they looked like a Mardi Gras float going down the road! They managed to shove the thing through the door and it was a huge success.

Though not me nor one of my kids made it to VBS because of the strep and mono. So frustrating for me to do all of that. Not only that - but I really had to hand over a lot of the decorations to other people. And it really was not that that worried me so much. It was not helping. Coming up with all these huge ideas and then not really being there to see them through. It killed me. There was a part of me that didn't think it could happen without me though.

Here is what I learned: I am not a necessity to any of God's plans. My inability to help will not thwart nor will it keep things from going on. This is GOOD to hear. Though I know God wants me to be his hands and his feet. It is also okay for me to say no and it is a good thing to get others to help and relinquish control. It will look great. It did look great. The whole Church was just beautiful! This also takes some of the pressure off. Thank the Lord it is not all up to me!

I am a glory hog. EW! I know. That sounds horrible doesn't it? I LOVE to be praised by my fellow believers and it killed me not to be there in the middle of all of that so I could hear what people were saying. I want the praise of my Lord and Savior...not the praise of man - though I admit I still enjoy it. I truly am trying my best to ask myself what is my reason for my BIG IDEAS and who am I trying to please? In the end...the gifts that God has given me to use are in fact very out there. People see them and they are kind and will say sweet things. I appreciate the encouragement so much but I have to be careful not to let it feed my vanity. It is a way that builds pride in myself and I find myself stumbling because of how great I think I am.

I also have been realizing over the years that I am in fact a closet narcissist. I may have shared this before but I sometimes find myself volunteering or doing things for others because I want them to think I am a nice person. Not because I am really wanting to help someone out. Isn't that ugly? Well...it is just part and parcel of caring for others for me. I now try to ask myself what are my intentions before I volunteer...and even if I find my intentions are wrong ....if I still feel I need to do it, I just have to ask God to change my heart. That's the best I can do. I know - you are probably wondering WHY I am sharing all of this dirt? Listen to this - James 5:16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

In a nutshell I am trying my best to serve the Lord with the gifts he has given me. It is a blessing sometimes when my plans are thwarted because I get to see the ick and confess it before the Lord because " If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1John 1:9. And it just comes down to the fact that I do want to be righteous before my Lord. And if I lay it all out before you all - I will be held accountable for my unrighteousness.

Where is that Big Fish now? I had to break that puppy down and take it to the dump. Can you believe it? All of that for 5 days of walking through it. Kind of sad really. Would I do it again? I would. In a second. I loved doing it. I believe I learned a whole lot. And now - I know to do it somewhere where I can leave and let someone else take over. After all...you just never know what is going to happen!