Kicking and Screaming or Gracefully....

I don't know. I go back and forth.

The other day I had my glasses on and happened to be in really good light and looked down at my feet. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Holy cow. I needed a pedicure. In the worst way.

What was appalling was not so much that I couldn't SEE how bad my feet were, but that they were that bad. they never used to be this difficult to maintain. Oh! It makes me angry. And then as I was reminded of something from my past.

I used to do nails and pedicures in college. I worked at a day spa for a friend of mine's mom. It was fun. Sort of - I really sucked at it and never found my groove there. But I LOVED the nail polish and the fella that cut hair there did an amazing job - AND - he was hilarious. That made it all worth while.

One day I was taking care of an older woman's feet. This woman could have been 42 and I would have considered her old at the time. I was 24. I let their feet soak in a vibrating bath for about 10 minutes before I started the pedicure. As I lifted those feet from the bath and saw the task before me - I was horrified. Inside my head was screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! But - thankfully I had rubber gloves - like surgeon's gloves - I can do anything in surgeons gloves and I set to get those feet back in pristine condition...in the end...they were a better version of themselves. But dang. They needed that pedicure. And that is putting it nicely.

Now here I am - the old fart - in the same boat. Makes me so mad I could spit nails. I DON'T WANT TO BE OLD. As I did the pedicure I was thinking, "this can never happen again - I will never let my feet go like that EVER again. I will fight against the effects of time with every fiber of my being. I WILL continue to color my hair and use ROC with retinol to reduce the signs of aging. I will tan those legs to disguise the spider veins and vericose veins that occured during the child bearing years."

Well - it's just exhausting. It truly an uphill battle!

But then there are these amazing moments of clarity and peace - where I actually feel that I am finally embracing the idea of where I am right now. The fact that I am in fact becoming older. I am by no means old. Though I lack the freshness of my 20's - even my 30's - there is a sage wisdom (not in huge amounts mind you) that I have gained over the years that I didn't have then. I think there will come a point where I cross over totally - and become totally okay with my older skin and worn feet. As long as  my heart stays young and tender - I think I will - eventually - grow old gracefully. And this makes me smile.