Tension

You know there is such a tug of war in so many things. I find there is tension pretty much in every decision I have to make. There are two sides and one usually outweighs the other in necessity, or merit - or some other reasoning (not always sound) but sometimes they are equal. That is when the decision becomes hard. And I question what is the right choice. I struggle, even labor over the decision...sometimes it is time consuming and exhausting. I always wonder how I can make more precise decisions - easier. Of course that is not always possible. It is a blessing that some decisions cause us to stop and seek our Lord as we make them.

Wisdom is hard to come by. It certainly is not a naturally occuring thing with me. Given a choice I usually make the wrong one. I am ruled by my passions - way too much. This is definitely NOT wise. But as I get older I do see some changes. This is encouraging. 1Kings is a great book about wisdom. In chapter 2 you see David charging Solomon:

2 "I am about to go the way of all the earth," he said. "So be strong, show yourself a man, 3 and observe what the LORD your God requires: Walk in his ways, and keep his decrees and commands, his laws and requirements, as written in the Law of Moses, so that you may prosper in all you do and wherever you go, 4 and that the LORD may keep his promise to me: 'If your descendants watch how they live, and if they walk faithfully before me with all their heart and soul, you will never fail to have a man on the throne of Israel.'

David knew in order for Solomon to rule as the King of Israel that he would have to heed God's word to obtain wisdom. And there is that phrase "...and if they walk faithfully before me with all their heart and soul...". This is the heart of that charge. It is what makes the difference in a wise person. The wisest people I know are slow to act, quick to seek the Lord and faithfully walk before him with their heart and soul. This is good advice. This is how we should live, love and make our decisions.

In chapter 3 you have Solomon coming before the Lord and asking:

7 "Now, O LORD my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties. 8 Your servant is here among the people you have chosen, a great people, too numerous to count or number. 9 So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?"

I love this. And I have made it my prayer...

Oh Lord my God, you have made your servant wife to a child of yours, and mother to three boys who are yours as well. I am only a little child in my faith and do not know how to carry out my duties. Your servant is here among the people you have chosen, the body of Christ, too numerous to count or number. So give your servant a discerning heart to care for the people you have given me - my husband and my children and friends and to distinguish between right and wrong. For how can I do this without your help?

Not a bad way to begin tough decisions. The problem is - how often do I actually stop and do this? I hope that for my family, I will do it more, and more often. I pray that my spiritual sight will grow and that with practice I will do this without having to stop and go to my references on how to act. But for now - that is what it looks like and I am satisfied.

I encourage you all to read 1Kings. It is an amazing journey of a man who sought the Lord but who realistically faltered and struggled with choices that were before him. And in the end because he did not faithfully walk with the Lord he lost the reign of all of Israel.

The scripture is placed before us so that we may learn. I pray that it is so with me. As I read of these very real, very human people of the scripture, that I will learn what God is trying to teach and apply it to my life and teach my children to do the same.