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Sunday, December 2, 2012

Home

For a long time I have felt out of place. It was my fault. I must take responsibility for my state of bewilderment and feeling of loss.

For years I have counseled others about how you cannot compare your present church to others you have been to in the past. The reason is, there are different dynamics. Fine tweeks of human nature and personality as well as focus makes each church a gift to it's community. A place that more than likely will not be duplicated anywhere in the world because of each different personality and talent at play in the body of Christ. So many wonderful parts that make up the whole is each church that calls
itself a part of the body of Christ.

It has been my pleasure to be a member of two such wonderful places. Dauphin Way Baptist Church was my previous church home. I claim many beloved family members there, My mom and my dad are still members there as well as precious friends I consider brothers and sisters in Christ. I have seen my childhood church struggle mightily over the last few years. I have cried and prayed and been burdened by each difficulty it went through. But God has seen it through each hard time. He has grown his kingdom  - not always in ways I would think he wanted but in the end, he would be glorified. I dearly love Dauphin Way. My life was shaped and my struggles moved me into the places God would have me be. I used the hard times to fuss at God for my other hard times. But God knew all along that he was getting me where I needed to be. Though my longing for my old church and the way it used to be followed me.

 I ended up in Birmingham, AL. I am now a member of a Presbyterian church. The funny thing about this is that I once thought Presbyterians borderline cult. Of course I was wrong. The problem is I was blown about by doctrine. I had struggled with the questions of doctrine that caused me to question my faith and lose sight of God in microdisecting philosophies of thought. I made it through that only to find myself a member of a church that believed the very things that shook my faith years before. I settled on being a Baptist in the middle of a bunch of Presbyterians and have been quite content for the most part. I missed my music at the baptist church. I missed being a big duck in a little pond. I loved being the go to girl for the singing and for serving but I shied away from it at my new place of worship. Mainly because I was afraid of the burnout I had brought upon myself by being all things to all people. That is just not good for you!

I was fine in my new church home. It was time for me to worship and be nominally involved. There is no doubt that I have an excessive personality. It is all or nothing with me. I cannot find a happy medium to save my life. I will work myself to the bone or sit on the couch and do nothing, allowing things to crumble around me. Part of that may be connected to the natural lows and highs I have acquired through genetics (a tendency toward bi-polar disorder it seems - nothing crazy. I am not directing traffic naked or anything - as my doctor said.  He's not worried, I'm not worried). And the fact that I had three babies in three years probably didn't help. Excessive. But so me.

All of this to say I had begun to miss engaging in the body of Christ. And to be quite honest, because of my struggles with excess, I was afraid of burnout again and I kept a distance. But I missed the fellowship that comes with working with others. I missed singing in the choir. I missed teaching Sunday School. I needed to do something. Not everything. I cannot do everything I love. But slowly and surely I started engaging again. I keep nursery. I am now back in the choir. I hung the greenery yesterday and made bows out the wazoo. All the while developing those sweet friendships with sisters in Christ that I have sorely missed. I love that. It may take a while...find a church that preaches the Word and the rest usually follows. Home sweet home. (smile)





2 comments:

  1. Missy, this is a great post! LOVED it and I can relate to it in SO MANY ways! I'll tell ya all about it sometime if we ever have the opportunity to go to lunch or coffee! ;) Thanks for sharing your heart!

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    Replies
    1. I would love to hear! I hope we can go to lunch or coffee! That would be so great!

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