Assurance

I woke up at 3:30AM. Wide awake. Mind going full blast. Number crunching, going over the calendar, figuring how, what, when and why. I berated myself. I wished for a re-do. I talked to God. I asked him ridiculous questions, knowing all the while that his ways are higher than mine and there was no way to understand them. But I needed him to talk to me.

I threw on my Tennessee sweatshirt stumbled over the dogs (again) to get downstairs. And I went to my source. The Word.

I don't know where to go. I just want God to talk to me. So, I go to my devotional. I get it in my e-mail every day. I am thankful for this vehicle of e-mail. When I lack the intentionality to be able to search God's Word on my own. My e-mail devotional always seems to be able to put the finger on the spot. I love that about God. He manages to place what I need before me - in the form of a daily devotional sent through my e-mail - that can instantly give me what I need. A Word from God. Wow.

We are in a trial period. There is no doubt about that. The economy, and circumstances have brought us to a place where every day is walked by faith. We pray for God's protection and I am always reminded of my pastor, Alan, asking God in prayer to show us mercy and do not give us what we deserve, and I and agree wholeheartedly.  I read God's amazing gift in words to me - for this day. For this moment.

James 1:2-8

2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways

And instantly, my reason for waking is evident. My need for God is filled and I am comforted. I have everything I need for this moment - even more than I asked for. My request for wisdom and to know what to do has been presented to the Lord. I can trust that he heard me - and that he will take care of my need when it comes time. Maybe not in the way I had hoped. But for now - and now is all I need - I am comforted. I can trust that my "now" will have always have the grace that God provides for that moment. It is extremely reassuring.

What is more - how good is God to a sleep deprived woman to send her an e-mail reassuring her that not only is he enough, he is building character and patience in her. Not only does he want her to come before him and ask - he will see that she is made more like him in the process.

I am rich beyond measure.
Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me - bless his name.