I am who I am...

I am having a pity party. It doesn't really matter why...I do this occasionally and it could be over something as simple as not getting the last ice cream sandwich.

I can struggle with my weight, with my financial abilities, with my keeping house, with how well I raise my children...any number of things that I get my personal identity from and it doesn't matter...not one hill of beans. My identity does not come from those things. My identity should come from one thing first. I AM A CHILD OF GOD.

My successes and my failures will pale in comparison to how well I lived before my loving heavenly Father. That is my most important task. And I long to do it well. But I cannot go about it as I do everything else in this life of mine.

I read somewhere that people that tend to be successful are self-disciplined. Well - there you go. I am so not. But the fact is - I have it. I HAVE IT.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

Somebody want to tell me where I am hiding that self-discipline?

Well of course the more we practice it the stronger it gets. Just like anything. And it is like anything else. One good habit tends to cause other ones.

My problem is I am always wanting the end result - but do not want to pay the price.

Ephesians 5
1 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.


So if my goal is to be like Christ then of course I have to be willing to sacrifice my desires in order to gain contentment. Because really - I have no clue what God's best for me is. The only way I can live in contentment and self-discipline is to trust God and to sacrifice those things that I cling to daily - my selfish desires - whatever.

I have talked about this before - but I have to give myself a pep talk every so often to get back on the right track. What does sacrificing my desires look like? I am so thoroughly selfish - it seems impossible to hope that I am capable. But I am.

Daily -

Colossians 3:15-17

15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.


Start the day with Christ, dwelling in his Word, ask him for guidance and do my best to remember that I am indeed his child and that if my confidence and joy is not coming from him that I will indeed flounder and feel sorry for myself.

Why can't I just do this? I pray again - God help me!