Fast and Furious - Slow and Easy...

I think part of my problem is when things go fast I spend all my energies on keeping up and tend to fail in important areas. I skimp on my T.A.W.G. (Time alone with God) and I don't eat well. I just do better when I slow down. 

The thing I have learned over the last month is that I do have to manage

my time well when I am cooking Paleo. But I have enjoyed the process of thoughtful eating. I love the chopping and creative replacement that eating Paleo brings. It is a slower and a nice reflective

time for me as I gather the ingredients and chop the vegetables. I know this is hard when you have little ones. Impossible even.  

I read a book by Claire Cloninger over 20 years ago called, A Place Called Simplicity. It was something I longed for even then. Living simply. It is actually something you have to work at. It is a wonderfully inspiring read. 

And the fact is there are seasons of simplicity. One of those seasons for me was when the boys were babies...I said no a lot - just because it was harder to do things with two babies. But it slowed time down and my memories are of a unhurried and wonderfully simple time enjoying those baby boys. 

There are things you have to learn to say no to in order to simplify. And "no" is a hard thing for a people pleaser. But it gets easier the more you do it. I think coming to a place where you realize you can't do everything is a good starting place. Realizing you can't please everyone is the next step. Understanding that folks are more gracious than we give them credit for also makes the process of simplifying easier. Dumping the guilt of choosing carefully and denying help at school, at church, or wherever is also a must. 

I am not saying drop out of life. Help where you are led but don't be afraid to step back when your dance card is full. And of course there are seasons where no matter how intentional you are you are meeting yourself coming and going. That happens. Can't always be controlled. But it is also why you want to be nutritionally sound and grounded in the Word And prayer. 

Regardless of how you choose to live, fast and furious or slow and easy, you must see to your spiritual, mental and physical health to be the best you can be. 

God bless and keep you on your journey. 

The Dreamer and The Doer

I have a lot more of the dreamer in me. I have these amazing ideas and they always are just there...right before me ever out of reach. I go for them every once in a while but for whatever reason life gets in the way.

That is my fault.

It shouldn't happen that way. I posted this on Facebook 6 years ago:

Pajama Mama is my website. It is a beginning place for so many of my desires. My desire to serve the Lord, to be with my children at home and to help my community and other women like me who just need to find a way to supplement their income so they can do what they love best - take care of their family!

And I never really got anywhere with it.

But over the last few months I have felt a definite prodding to move forward. But I always had an excuse. My excuses ran the gamut: I don't have time, I don't feel good, I am too busy doing for everyone else, I don't have the money. And I allowed myself to become bogged down in the I don'ts and I can'ts and foundered.

I have started almost every January saying the same thing. I have an idea. I am going to see it through. This year I will see God bless this.

But I did not follow through. My faith was weak. And I would lose sight of my dream before the year was halfway through.

This year some interesting things happened.

My two year renewal of Pajamamama.net came around again and they renewed it with some added benefits that they didn't have before. So...I got that without really trying! Ha!

And I had a friend I had previously done contract work with at Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Alabama invite me to try something that I was somewhat skeptical about. I am a HORRIBLE sales person. She will tell you that I am not. But - I am. I do not like pressuring people. And even when I am not pressuring people, I feel like I am pressuring people. BUT - the thing is, if I want to be healthy, and I want my family to be healthy, then I am going to live it out. If I care about others - it is much like my faith - I am going to share it. Some way. Some how. It will overflow from the excess of my living it out.

IT WILL OVERFLOW FROM THE EXCESS OF MY LIVING IT OUT.

So...I share my faith. I share how I live. Not to pressure anyone. But to encourage other's who are like me and struggle on a daily basis to live out their convictions. Whatever they may be.

For me, it is to serve God first. To take care of my family and to serve others well. This can only be accomplished when I take care of myself. And I am not talking about excessive pampering. I am talking about reading God's word, praying - talking to God and eating right - exercising. These are the things that help me serve God, family and others best. This will only help my job at school and give me the energy to create and do when I get home.

And I have stepped out further than I ever have before. I have been eating paleo for a month now. I have been exercising daily and I have more energy and my attitude has absolutely changed. I thought I would never quit drinking my Cokes...but I have. It's amazing. I don't even crave it.

Now that is not so much from drinking anything or being on any particular diet, Of course ultimately it is that...but for those who are like me (not very self motivated), it takes more than that. It had more to do with someone who held out a helping hand and encouraged me. Even when I looked past her helping hand, she would stay in touch and ask me how I was doing. Accountability - haven't I talked about that before? Well...it is a good thing. A must for changing one's lifestyle.

I have been using BeachBody products for years, but they never did me any good until I had the accountability. So I now am a BeachBody coach. I love the shakes and I have been dancing. Anyone who knows me well knows I love to dance, So Shaun T has been taking me through the moves every morning with CIZE and it starts my day with a smile. I think you should do what you love. I don't love to exercise...I do love to dance. It really doesn't feel like exercise at all.

But the eating right and moving more is working. My goal now is to encourage other's to do the same thing. I want to help them act on their dreams too.

I think you should do the thing that works. I have tried other things and they did not work for me. What I love about Shakeology is the fact that it combines one meal...with my probiotics, and vitamins. It is a dense nutritional shake.  A yummy one at that. I didn't get this with the other things I tried. It is a much more affordable option to nutrition and weight loss.

I hope you will check in with me every once in a while. This blog will not be all about BeachBody. But I will share occasionally how that is going.

God Bless and Keep YOU ALL!

It could be one of my posts...

Jen Hatmaker

Yesterday at 3:42pm · 

Three different schools.
Five kids.
Online registrations.
Sports physicals.
Well checks.
Immunizations.
Insurance forms.
Insurance haggling.
PE uniforms.
Schedule pick-up (3 different days).
High school parking permit.
School supplies.
Eye exams.
Haircuts.
Closet clean out.
School IDs.
Online lunch accounts.
Orthodontist appointments.
Backpacks.
Tennis shoes.
Lunchboxes.
Middle School Round-Up Day.
Meet the Teacher.
Back to School Night.
Dermatologist appointments.
Football equipment pick up.
Schedule changes.
Parking fees.
Dual credit registration.

God: "Jen, now that you have died, what have you done to deserve entry into heaven?"
Jen: "Lord, I engineered back-to-school for five children from 2003-2023. Twenty years, Father. The forms alone deserve eternity."
God: "Enter into your rest."

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It's not that I want to belittle what we do...
but some of this stuff is more about us, It's not that we don't have to do this stuff...I mean. Some of it is important - not all of it - but still, should the glory be ours?

There should be a little something in our head that tells us, "Isn't the fact I am doing all of this and posting about it reflect on my own need for approval?"

God is not interested in all of our extra curricular activities unless we are serving those we meet at those places. And I will be the first to tell you that I have sought a pat on the back by the myriads of folk on my friends list...but that doesn't make it ok. That doesn't condemn me to hell either.

Sometimes I just think we should re-think our social media tendencies and why we post what we post. I sometimes think that we should avoid it like the plague...it is just one more thing that can make or break our day. It can cause us to think too highly of ourselves or fail in our confidence.

I wish that we had something that would allow us to review our day and show us where we stand with our Savior, give us confirmation of our standing with our Heavenly Father and give us rest from a job well done for the Glory of His name....

Wait a second...

We do.

The World is the Same

She wanted the baby. 

When murder is a double homicide because the mom was 

pregnant, the baby is considered another life because the 

mom wanted that baby. 

The baby's rights are done away with 

when it comes to the mother's desires. 

Our society is a selfish one. frown emoticon       We are no longer willing to take responsibility for our actions. We are either victims or we rationalize that which would release us from our bonds. The makeup of man is certainly the same as it has always been...but we have lost our moral compass that causes us to hitch up our britches and make our mistakes mean something. 

The World has always contained people that do bad things. It seems the problem with us today is we have decided that our problems are not our fault. And even if we acknowledge that the problems are our fault we do not think we should have to suffer the consequences. The results are we have become a characterless people. Lives have lost value and our own lives suffer because of it. 

For those of us who believe in a Savior, we have an understanding that our sin has consequences and that we will suffer for that sin. But the Gospel gives us freedom, not from the consequences here on Earth, but for the guilt that would continue to plague us here and in the life to come. 

Sin can have hard and serious consequences. It can seemingly ruin a life. But - in my opinion, when we deal with the consequences of our sin well, we become better. We add depth, and mercy, and a solidity to our character that makes us better. Better for ourselves and for others. Acknowledging our downfall and seeking forgiveness from others we have wronged and from God is not weakness. It is strength building...it is spiritual weightlifting. It will grow us and make us better. 

It seems to me that when we accept our situation and our part in it, we can then do something about it.

Of course I am making generalizations. There are many who accept and deal well with the things that happen to them...whether they were at fault or not. But what we are seeing in the media is a tendency to shirk our own responsibility for our circumstances. And we are becoming a selfish, spoiled people because of it. 

We can be so much more than we are aspiring to be. And it will be the end of society as we have known it. 

Be warned. 

The What Ifs.....

I have had them quite a bit lately.


You know.


What if I had gotten my teaching degree instead of English and Music degree?


What if I had gone with that group to sing up north instead of moving to Birmingham?


What if I had said yes to that fellow and moved to Florida?


What if I had pursued the mission field in Albania?


What if?




See - my problem is I always go down the road that I did not travel. I always long for the things I did not do. I was warned once by a precious older friend of mine that I would have regrets for not following the music deal. I knew I had one chance at the mission field...and if I did not pursue it and said yes to my love in Birmingham that the likelihood of my going that path would be over.


The problem is I did not do those things. I prayed about them. I gave my choices to God.


So what do I do now that I have the what ifs?


The same thing I do when I have the discontents and the why ME's?


I stop the thoughts. I take a deep breath and I run to the Word.


Philippians 2:13English Standard Version (ESV)
¹³ for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.


I gave the choices I made to God. I prayed about them and then I walked forward. I knew the cost. I thought it all out. Did I know how hard it would be?


Of course not. But nor do I know how hard missions in Albania would have been. The fellow in Florida? Not so sure he would have kept on liking me had I moved down there (smile). The music up north? God had given me every opportunity to sing prior to my decision to join my life with my precious husband. And I have opportunities now. I just have to take them. And what do I have to show? My sweet friend and husband...18 years later, three precious boys, an amazing community of folks I go to church, school, and work with. Gifts that God gave me to work with my special needs friends that have brought me much joy - this I would have never realized. So how can I be sorry?!


The what if's are a waste of my time. It is best to capture those thoughts and turn them toward my blessings. But we all do it. I think I deal best with these things when I have a plan in place. My path should veer back to the things I am thankful for. Always.


Blessings abound.

Ideas at work...

I am full of ideas.


I am brimming with what I need to do, how I should go about doing it and finding the time and the gumption to do what I already do and squeeze this in as well.


For the last two weeks I have been pondering how, when, what and to whom will I appeal to get the ball rolling?


I can drive myself nuts. It is a roller coaster of highs and lows. I feel exhilarated and nauseous, excited and defeated. All before I have even tried.


No wonder I can't get things going. I am an in my head perfectionist. You would never know it to look at me, or my house. But baby - if you could see inside my head....


well...


probably you would think I am a basket case.


But that is beside the point.


I am pondering and questioning about going back to school for my masters.


If you know me - you will know that I was blessed just to get my Bachelors. It was a miracle (and a mystery - if you want to go back and look at my grades).


But I am serious. So I have been e-mailing folks. Asking questions. Talking to my principle.


and PRAYING.


I don't know how I will do it. But I want to. There are several obstacles. I have many times thought about it and pushed it away as impossible.


But....


Philippians 4:
⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


So I am requesting. And if it happens it will be a testimony to God.


Funny thing - if it doesn't happen - it will be the same.


Because there is always a reason.


And....


Philippians 1:6 [Full Chapter]

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

It's a Mystery....

One of my favorite oft repeated phrases in the movie Shakespeare in Love is "I don't know, it's a mystery"....




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUUlkpSOIcg


I can't get it to embed - but I love Geoffrey Rush's character, Henslowe. His continued faith in the seemingly impossible is inspiring. I need inspiring.


I keep finding myself at a crossroads. I become inspired and give things a weak start and fizzle. Repeatedly. But I know I need to try. But I continue to detour to something easier... less rewarding and more frustrating, only to find myself back at the place I have been so many times.


I am pretty sure it is because I am afraid of failing.


What a weenie I am.


This morning, I picked up my One Year Women in Christian History Devotional I got from my husband for Christmas. For December 27th it was about Tamar. Oh my. Have you read Genesis 38 before? I read it three times trying to wrap my head around it. Seriously - it's bizarre. And yet - it is an amazing representation of the phrase "it's a mystery".


Tamar was married to Er, who died. Because of then current customs, was made to marry his brother, Onan. Any children Tamar and Onan would have would be considered heirs of Er. Yeah. I said that. So Onan refused his seed to Tamar. You have to read it I cannot repeat it. Onan dies. Judah asks Tamar to sit tight and wait for his youngest to grow up so she can have a child by him. But then it doesn't happen so Tamar takes matters into her own hands. She covers herself and sits where prostitutes do - somewhere about the gates, and snares Judah - asking him for his signet ring and such until he brings her payment. She leaves with the proof before he gets back. Later when she is pregnant with her father-in-law's child, she is accused of adultery and Judah wants to burn her for her sin. HA! She brings out his signet ring and low and behold his anger quickly ebbs and she delivers his baby. Yuck.


How convoluted is that?


But how convoluted is life?


What I love about that story (because I can always find a bright side - at least when I am not in my depressive mode) is that God used the situation in all of it's ickiness. His son Jesus was born from the line of Judah.


Amazing.


Redemptive.


Inspiring.


So - after years of finding my own way around my fear of failure, can I use this to inspire and cause myself to actually act on my desires to live by my art? I am scared. Because I am pretty sure failure will destroy me. But - what if? What if I give it a shot and it works? What if I am able to use what I see as gifts to help in the ways I have always wanted?


Glorious.


What if I do fail and I am at my lowest point ever?


Grace.


God is gracious. I will hitch up my britches and my idea of greatness will finally be dependent upon my heavenly Father. I have not tried because I know I am not great and I know I will see it and that scares me. But my Heavenly Father is great. And I must put wheels to this faith....no matter where it leads.


I mean - if a baby born of a virgin who was born to save the world from it's sin all from the line of Judah and that crazy story in Genesis 38....anything is possible.


Love.


Love.


Love.

Where do I run?

I will be the first one to tell you that I have been a little put out with Facebook and Pinterest, and assorted blogs....


We are WAY too aware of ourselves....and we think we are WAY too important. And WAY too clever....and that our opinion is worth something.


I know. I am the same exact way.


I do believe that there has been a bit of a maturing process for me in the last few years though.
I think...I HOPE....


I have come to my blog proclaiming my irritation with trying to keep up with all of the folks that proclaim their greatness via various venues (love that alliteration). But I must say I was one of those people. Back in the day...2 maybe three years ago...and would have been prior to that had I all of the social media available to me then. I was a pro at it all...breast feeding, disciplining, balanced diets for 3 babies 3 and under....I had it under control. And I would tell you so.


But it was all I did. I did not have to publish this stuff. I did not have to post pictures of what all we were doing. I wore the baby puke like a brooch. But I was kind of old when I had the babies. I was ready to stay at home and waller in my babies and whatever they produced. I learned fast that my world was no longer mine - but theirs. And I was okay with it. I loved it. I was thankful for it. I knew my limits. Trying to do choir and music team at church proved too much for me even. So I hunkered down and enjoyed the ride. But baby - had I the means - I would have proclaimed to you how good I was at what I did.






I thought things would get even easier as the boys got older. Not really easier - actually a little harder.  I have young people. What I have found is that tweenies and teens prior to driving, have social lives and school requirements that keep me on the road and with my hands full pretty much every day. Plus I started working full time knowing that in a few short years they would be in college and the activities that are preparing them for college can be expensive...especially when you have three about the same age. AND I am dealing with hormones - mine leaving me and their's ramping up. I have to work HARD at saying NO so that I can be home to take care of my husband and my home - and stay somewhat organized. There are days I am swamped with my expectations and their expectations and other's expectations and I panic. I am overwhelmed and I run.


Where I run is either my salvation or my undoing.


If I run to the television, or my books or social media....I find I am only putting off the inevitable break down that will leave me in the bed for a weekend. Honest truth.


But when I run to my heavenly father, I find rest and peace.


I have found that thanking God in the midst of my over-whelm-ed-ness....seems to pull my act together...knots the frayed ends and draws my scattered vision upward. In sitting on my couch being still after reading his Word I find rest. I am encouraged and my tank is filled. By lifting my voice to God I am pulled together and made whole again...


What is it we expect? I think back before all of the social media expectations were a lot less than they are now. There was a simplicity to the job of "mom" and "wife". Mainly because we were the ones that defined it for ourselves. I did not feel the pressure I do now.


I will be the first one to tell you that I do not do it right. I just do it by the grace of God....and I can trust that it is sufficient. That is just pure wisdom given by God. I am not all that and a bag of chips. But I can do this - through Christ who strengthens me. So very thankful.


Matthew 11:
²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

It is not all up to me...

It's too much....




We live in an incredibly tough time. Between Facebook and all of the status updates on how much other's are doing and how well they are doing we make it hard to live a simple life. And then we have Pinterest to make us feel like we are just not doing it well enough - ever. But we keep going back and looking.... 


We want to measure up....It is poo. But it is still true.


I generally thumb my nose at these things - I have become quite good at setting a low standard for my fellow moms.


Who am I kidding. I SAY that. But I work hard at making it seem like I don't care.


Truly - when I am being honest I will tell you that my heart longs to be all things to all people. I grieve that I cannot be what other's need me to be. It is true.


It is a waste of my energy though. And it is a desire that is born out of my own need to be important, to please people to appease my neediness.


I can feel this little rubber band that pulls tighter and tighter with every post I read, with every new recipe and idea that is presented to me and there are days when that rubber band snaps. It hurts like hell realizing that a lot of what I do is for naught. That I just can't do it.


I can tell you now that I know of no way to fix it - permanently anyway.


I am not an organized person. I am not a high energy person.


There is only one thing I can claim that makes my desires and all my loose ends settle...


Knowing that in spite of my imperfections - that I am a child of God. He knows me inside and out and though I hurt him repeatedly with my bad choices and consistent pushing aside of his voice - he pursues me relentlessly. It always comes back to him. Always. I am amazed and gratified at this knowledge...I am loved in spite of myself.


^{Matthew 6:  33} But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


This is all I am required to do. The rest will be added. Today I am walking in this knowledge.


I am thankful that it is not all up to me.

Cream Brûlée and Jell-O

I have been pondering things this morning. Perfection verses imperfection. I see myself sort of as the Julia Roberts character in My Best Friends Wedding. I wish I could say because of my hair or my long legs or beautiful face but no, that's not it. It is all the asinine decisions she makes.

I see myself as Jell-O.

I have a love-hate thing about this movie. I hate it, because I wanted Julianne to get the guy (I mean really who wouldn't want to get Dermont Mulroney?). But I loved that the movie didn't let her. Kimmy was - well - let's just look at this quote:

"She's annoyingly perfect and when I say that I mean there is nothing annoying about her perfection, it is vulnerable and endearing, and THAT is annoying as shit. If I didn't hate her I'd adore her."

Kimmy was willing to be so open. And she was kind. Truly kind. Of course she didn't like that Julianne was so close to Michael, and rightfully so. But for Michael's sake, she was going to overlook the past relationship and accept her as a part of Michael's life. Let's not get into how dangerous that could be down the road - but look at her heart. She was everything that quote says and it is absolutely annoying as shit (sorry -I had to borrow from the quote :P).

I have always been the rumpled, creative, seat of my pants kind of girl. I live and die by my emotions and feelings and it gets me into so much trouble. So while I am rooting for Julianne and totally get where she is coming from, she breaks my heart, because I see myself in her. Pursue what you want to the death. Thank goodness for her she did not get what she set out to get. She would have been miserable. Getting what you want is not always a good thing.

The movie actually has a happy ending.

Towards the end there is a scene that shows Julianne toasting Michael and Kimmy.

Heart breaking and such a perfect ending.

And right.

Bittersweet. And to me, that is what makes it so yummy.

Lately I have had an urge to let everyone know that I know I am a complete doofus most of the time. I want them to know that it is not something I am totally unaware of. I want to sit down and write a story about my life...about every stupid thing I did and how sorry I am for it. When I look back at all of the things I have done - whether good intentions gone wrong or just me being mule-headed and going for it in spite of it all...I have many regrets....things I wish I would have done differently. My poor parents...they are exhausted because of all my shenanigans.

But....

Regardless of what has happened in the past, I hope those that know me understand, that I will work to love every moment of my life - both good and bad, because it has brought me here. I am blessed beyond belief. This morning anyway - I think I understand how blessed I am. I see how my parents love me beyond well. Every spot on my carpet that drives me insane most days  - well today - they are a reminder of three precious boys that are growing much too fast. The crowded garage that I mean to organize and all the furniture I mean to refinish in it - are a reminder of how much we have and how God has blessed me with a husband that provides for me and loves me in spite of me. And  I feel I am the best version of myself so far. Today. (I will feel differently tomorrow - thank goodness for the occasional "todays"). And God willing it will only get better as he completes his work in me. I pin my hopes on this verse.

Philippians 1:6 

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Thankfully - most people do not think near as much about me as I think about myself. I have had so many awkward moments, the majority of my life could be a cautionary tale - but how wonderful to realize that I have such riches in spite of it all.

Life is not like a movie. Not nearly as neat. But I have hope for the future so I can get through today - with grace and love for others. It is more than so many have. I have hope that GOD will bring others to the same place, regardless of their situation.

Contentment. Thankful for it today.