It is not all up to me...

It's too much....




We live in an incredibly tough time. Between Facebook and all of the status updates on how much other's are doing and how well they are doing we make it hard to live a simple life. And then we have Pinterest to make us feel like we are just not doing it well enough - ever. But we keep going back and looking.... 


We want to measure up....It is poo. But it is still true.


I generally thumb my nose at these things - I have become quite good at setting a low standard for my fellow moms.


Who am I kidding. I SAY that. But I work hard at making it seem like I don't care.


Truly - when I am being honest I will tell you that my heart longs to be all things to all people. I grieve that I cannot be what other's need me to be. It is true.


It is a waste of my energy though. And it is a desire that is born out of my own need to be important, to please people to appease my neediness.


I can feel this little rubber band that pulls tighter and tighter with every post I read, with every new recipe and idea that is presented to me and there are days when that rubber band snaps. It hurts like hell realizing that a lot of what I do is for naught. That I just can't do it.


I can tell you now that I know of no way to fix it - permanently anyway.


I am not an organized person. I am not a high energy person.


There is only one thing I can claim that makes my desires and all my loose ends settle...


Knowing that in spite of my imperfections - that I am a child of God. He knows me inside and out and though I hurt him repeatedly with my bad choices and consistent pushing aside of his voice - he pursues me relentlessly. It always comes back to him. Always. I am amazed and gratified at this knowledge...I am loved in spite of myself.


^{Matthew 6:  33} But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


This is all I am required to do. The rest will be added. Today I am walking in this knowledge.


I am thankful that it is not all up to me.