One of my favorite oft repeated phrases in the movie Shakespeare in Love is "I don't know, it's a mystery"....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUUlkpSOIcg
I can't get it to embed - but I love Geoffrey Rush's character, Henslowe. His continued faith in the seemingly impossible is inspiring. I need inspiring.
I keep finding myself at a crossroads. I become inspired and give things a weak start and fizzle. Repeatedly. But I know I need to try. But I continue to detour to something easier... less rewarding and more frustrating, only to find myself back at the place I have been so many times.
I am pretty sure it is because I am afraid of failing.
What a weenie I am.
This morning, I picked up my One Year Women in Christian History Devotional I got from my husband for Christmas. For December 27th it was about Tamar. Oh my. Have you read Genesis 38 before? I read it three times trying to wrap my head around it. Seriously - it's bizarre. And yet - it is an amazing representation of the phrase "it's a mystery".
Tamar was married to Er, who died. Because of then current customs, was made to marry his brother, Onan. Any children Tamar and Onan would have would be considered heirs of Er. Yeah. I said that. So Onan refused his seed to Tamar. You have to read it I cannot repeat it. Onan dies. Judah asks Tamar to sit tight and wait for his youngest to grow up so she can have a child by him. But then it doesn't happen so Tamar takes matters into her own hands. She covers herself and sits where prostitutes do - somewhere about the gates, and snares Judah - asking him for his signet ring and such until he brings her payment. She leaves with the proof before he gets back. Later when she is pregnant with her father-in-law's child, she is accused of adultery and Judah wants to burn her for her sin. HA! She brings out his signet ring and low and behold his anger quickly ebbs and she delivers his baby. Yuck.
How convoluted is that?
But how convoluted is life?
What I love about that story (because I can always find a bright side - at least when I am not in my depressive mode) is that God used the situation in all of it's ickiness. His son Jesus was born from the line of Judah.
Amazing.
Redemptive.
Inspiring.
So - after years of finding my own way around my fear of failure, can I use this to inspire and cause myself to actually act on my desires to live by my art? I am scared. Because I am pretty sure failure will destroy me. But - what if? What if I give it a shot and it works? What if I am able to use what I see as gifts to help in the ways I have always wanted?
Glorious.
What if I do fail and I am at my lowest point ever?
Grace.
God is gracious. I will hitch up my britches and my idea of greatness will finally be dependent upon my heavenly Father. I have not tried because I know I am not great and I know I will see it and that scares me. But my Heavenly Father is great. And I must put wheels to this faith....no matter where it leads.
I mean - if a baby born of a virgin who was born to save the world from it's sin all from the line of Judah and that crazy story in Genesis 38....anything is possible.
Love.
Love.
Love.
Showing posts with label encouragement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label encouragement. Show all posts
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
State of the Union - 2011...(mine)
I am not quite ready to let go of Christmas. I have not wanted to move to a new place quite yet. The old was not terrible - it is known and comforting. Especially in light of all of my blessings.
Last night I sat and looked at my Christmas lights (that will be up through this weekend - I am NOT ashamed to say) - and I remembered.
I have been given some time (which is a wonderful gift from God) to do some things around the house that I need to do.
I have amazing family. My boys are the most amazing little men. They are so smart (take after their Daddy) and conscientious (take after their Mama). My husband is my best friend and I love him so much. Thank goodness he makes me laugh and his generosity is both a gift and a reminder.
When I grow up, I want to be like my Mom and Dad. I still lean so heavily upon them and I am pretty sure it's their turn to return the favor. I love them so much. My Dad has given me his desire and will to accomplish anything I put my hand to. My Mom's servant heart is a rare gift - she uses it liberally.
My brother is still someone I admire and enjoy. His wife is like my sister and his kids are precious. They make me laugh and give me joy.
I have been blessed to have in-laws that do not follow the typical stereotype. My father-in-law and mother-in-law are so easy and helpful. I love how they come along side and seem to know where that line is to back off.
My husband's sister is also like a sister to me and her husband and family are awesome. My sadness is we just don't get to see them as much as we would like.
My Father in law would baby sit my twin baby boys. By himself - before he married. This never ceases to impress me.
My mother in law is actually my husband's step mother. She was best friends with my husbands mom. His mom passed away 15 years ago...just a couple of weeks after he and I got engaged. A couple of years later my father-in-law started dating my present mother-in-law and it is pretty obvious this was a unique situation. She is a blessing and we love her and her kids - who are absolutely like brother and sister to us as well.
I came from a baptist background. Huge church - lots of programs and I loved every minute of it. I was just about as involved as you could get. I worked there in both the youth ministry and the music ministry. It was awesome. When I moved to Birmingham to date my husband, he went to a much smaller church - a presbyterian church. Close to the exact opposite of where I attended church in Mobile. Conservative, and the music was traditional - there was no clapping...at all. Raising of the hands was shocking and tended to be frowned upon. So - at first - I was a bit lost - miserable at times. I actually did not understand the background of the presbyterian church (or church history at all) and was blessed to get into a Sunday School class where I learned. It was fascinating. I also learned what it was like to be a new-comer. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. Took me close to 2 years to assimilate into my present church. I have been there 16 years now and feel very much at home and blessed by my church home.
What I have found is:
It does not take being "like" others to feel a part of the family of God. If I am not feeling the fellowship - it is more than likely me and not others that is the cause.
I do not have to be part of the music and planning to enjoy what others have done. At first, I let it hurt my feelings. But what I have learned is there is a time for me to step back and let others do. I have tried to take part - but this is the wonderful thing - it is apparently not God's timing for me. I have learned to be content.
It is up to me to seek the lost and the hurting - does not have to be part of the church program.
I can worship in this place with people that are every bit as dear to me as those that I worshipped with my previous church- the place I considered my "ideal".
My friends have come from surprising and even unlikely places. I have learned that the written word and phone calls can knit the heart together as easily as meeting face to face (this can be both a blessing and dangerous).
God has been good to me. He has seen that who I need is there when I need them. He has continued to have his hand heavy on my life, even though I have tried to ignore and shrug him off - repeatedly.
He has delivered me from a job that started out to be the most fun and turned into one of the heaviest burdens I have carried in quite some time. I am waiting in anticipation for His next provision for me and my family. It is quite the adventure!
My heart is full. In spite of all the things I would love to whine about and the misery I would love to waller in...it is hard to. I am a rich woman. I have everything I need....
I think 2012 will be an amazing year!
Last night I sat and looked at my Christmas lights (that will be up through this weekend - I am NOT ashamed to say) - and I remembered.
I have been given some time (which is a wonderful gift from God) to do some things around the house that I need to do.
I have amazing family. My boys are the most amazing little men. They are so smart (take after their Daddy) and conscientious (take after their Mama). My husband is my best friend and I love him so much. Thank goodness he makes me laugh and his generosity is both a gift and a reminder.
When I grow up, I want to be like my Mom and Dad. I still lean so heavily upon them and I am pretty sure it's their turn to return the favor. I love them so much. My Dad has given me his desire and will to accomplish anything I put my hand to. My Mom's servant heart is a rare gift - she uses it liberally.
My brother is still someone I admire and enjoy. His wife is like my sister and his kids are precious. They make me laugh and give me joy.
I have been blessed to have in-laws that do not follow the typical stereotype. My father-in-law and mother-in-law are so easy and helpful. I love how they come along side and seem to know where that line is to back off.
My husband's sister is also like a sister to me and her husband and family are awesome. My sadness is we just don't get to see them as much as we would like.
My Father in law would baby sit my twin baby boys. By himself - before he married. This never ceases to impress me.
My mother in law is actually my husband's step mother. She was best friends with my husbands mom. His mom passed away 15 years ago...just a couple of weeks after he and I got engaged. A couple of years later my father-in-law started dating my present mother-in-law and it is pretty obvious this was a unique situation. She is a blessing and we love her and her kids - who are absolutely like brother and sister to us as well.
I came from a baptist background. Huge church - lots of programs and I loved every minute of it. I was just about as involved as you could get. I worked there in both the youth ministry and the music ministry. It was awesome. When I moved to Birmingham to date my husband, he went to a much smaller church - a presbyterian church. Close to the exact opposite of where I attended church in Mobile. Conservative, and the music was traditional - there was no clapping...at all. Raising of the hands was shocking and tended to be frowned upon. So - at first - I was a bit lost - miserable at times. I actually did not understand the background of the presbyterian church (or church history at all) and was blessed to get into a Sunday School class where I learned. It was fascinating. I also learned what it was like to be a new-comer. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. Took me close to 2 years to assimilate into my present church. I have been there 16 years now and feel very much at home and blessed by my church home.
What I have found is:
It does not take being "like" others to feel a part of the family of God. If I am not feeling the fellowship - it is more than likely me and not others that is the cause.
I do not have to be part of the music and planning to enjoy what others have done. At first, I let it hurt my feelings. But what I have learned is there is a time for me to step back and let others do. I have tried to take part - but this is the wonderful thing - it is apparently not God's timing for me. I have learned to be content.
It is up to me to seek the lost and the hurting - does not have to be part of the church program.
I can worship in this place with people that are every bit as dear to me as those that I worshipped with my previous church- the place I considered my "ideal".
My friends have come from surprising and even unlikely places. I have learned that the written word and phone calls can knit the heart together as easily as meeting face to face (this can be both a blessing and dangerous).
God has been good to me. He has seen that who I need is there when I need them. He has continued to have his hand heavy on my life, even though I have tried to ignore and shrug him off - repeatedly.
He has delivered me from a job that started out to be the most fun and turned into one of the heaviest burdens I have carried in quite some time. I am waiting in anticipation for His next provision for me and my family. It is quite the adventure!
My heart is full. In spite of all the things I would love to whine about and the misery I would love to waller in...it is hard to. I am a rich woman. I have everything I need....
I think 2012 will be an amazing year!
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