tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31760803801982439722023-11-16T07:33:41.544-06:00PajamaMamaThe dailiness of Everything. Ways to create and cope, help and heal, learn and live.
Christian Mom's perspective on life, little ones, and grown children. I also work with Special Needs kiddos. Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger253125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-56658563548352522452020-06-11T08:16:00.003-05:002020-06-11T08:31:22.263-05:00Pondering BeautyThis morning I got up and washed my face with my favorite mix of essential oils, then started plucking the hairs that grow in all the wrong places, threw my hair up into an artfully messy bun on top of my head, put in my silver loop earrings, and then applied some light makeup just to make it look like I give a crap. I'm not even going anywhere - thank you very much. Your welcome - for my efforts. ;) Obviously I do care - at least right now. I have moments in time where I don't.<br />
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But as I was plucking all those hairs, I started thinking about why. As I looked into those baggy eyes that always surprise me when I look close (because I still think I look 25 - sadly not true), I realize that the outside really doesn't matter. It does initially - for about an hour.<br />
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Here's the thing:<br />
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I see people and I love their look. They are beautiful, or there is something arresting about their faces and how they move. But quite honestly - that's all it lasts is about an hour for some of them. Once you get to talking to them and get to know them they may not seem so pretty. The ugly people, amazingly can become quite attractive and the beautiful ones become quite unattractive - depending on what's inside. Thus the proverb - you can't judge a book by its cover.<br />
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So, you never know what is going to attract you to another person as a friend or romantically. Which is why hanging with a person not your spouse can be problematic. Once we start sharing ideas and our witticisms outside of our couple friendships - things can get a little dicey. Of course you can be friends with a person. But that one on one time - if you allow that to happen - can be a dangerous game.<br />
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The first time I realized this was when I went to the beach once - I tell my boys this as a cautionary tale - with this Cary Grant looking hunk of a man. The sky was blue and the waves were turquoise, the sand warm and just delicious under my feet. When I looked at him, an involuntary sigh would leave my body. By the end of the day, I was bored stupid. STUPID. Was he nice? So nice. So kind. So gentlemanly. But he wasn't as handsome to me. He was absolutely resistable. He was going to make some woman incredibly lucky. I needed sharp wit. Cutting and clever. I realized the outside really didn't matter. The inside does. And I was really disappointed - because I really thought he was so pretty. But he married a beautiful, kind, girl who suited him to a T. Love it. And quite honestly - I didn't ring his bell either. He never asked me to go out again - so - it goes both ways.<br />
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I have seen goofy looking guys become hot in a day because of how funny and sharp they were.<br />
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This is a mighty leveler of the playing field. Thank the Lord.<br />
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But - how good is God that he made us so that our minds are the things that will be the glue that keeps us near and dear to the one we choose as our mate? Because all the nose hair removal in the world will not make me more attractive when I get older. And of course there are extenuating circumstances. Things happen as we grow older that we have to fight against. Marriages don't always last and someone can be left hurting - but that's a whole other thing. I am thankful for a spouse that sees duty as important as laughing. Duty is boring BUT HUGELY IMPORTANT - but the laughter makes it lovely.<br />
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Just me thinking.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-78994257299836510612020-05-17T07:42:00.001-05:002020-05-17T16:00:32.577-05:00Mourning my youth....planning to age gracefully...I painted my nails this week. I have been working on the house and planting things so I clipped those things back pretty drastically. I gave them what I learned was called "squoval" back in my silk nail days: flattened with a rounded edge. I polished them with a rosy nude color and applied a top coat and lotioned my hands and went to admire them and - wow. I see my grandmother's hands. MY GRANDMOTHER'S. Not my moms. How did I NOT get her long legs but instead her sturdy hands? They are abused hands. I use them as tools...my poor nails. Well anyway - I was sad. I used to have pretty hands. They were tan and smooth and seemed graceful to me.<br />
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Now they look a little pudgy and wrinkly. Sigh.<br />
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And it's the same way with my face - my body. It just ain't what it used to be.<br />
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All I can do is shrug. Because I have thought about the alternatives. Losing weight and pursuing youth and beauty: face lift, tummy tuck. But dang. It's exhausting, not to mention expensive. And really a losing race. And my 17 year old keeps telling me NOT to color my hair blue. Which I have seriously thought about. He said I said - and I don't remember it - that I told him to tell me it was my midlife crisis talking if I ever said I was going to color my hair blue. I called myself out. Because I knew I would do it. And I hesitate to condemn it, because I am ok with being care free and doing what you want as long as it doesn't infringe on others. But there comes a point where one should maintain some dignity right? Maybe not. Dignified does NOT sound fun.<br />
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But maybe instead of worrying about all the outer accouterments...I should focus more on the inner. I am sad that when I take pictures I don't recognize that person anymore. And goodness - photos are a huge part of life now. You can't do anything without getting your picture taken! AND posted on social media. I'd feel so much better about myself if I didn't have pictures or full length mirrors. But my answer to that is to again - shrug. What are you going to do about that?<br />
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So - what do I want to be as I grow older? I want to be easy to talk to. I want to listen more. To quit being so damn introspective and look outward. I want to have humor, to laugh, to quit worrying about the house and to enjoy people. But I want to be content when I am alone as well. I want to be someone who can skim over offenses and not take them to heart. To be secure enough in who God made me to understand that we hurt each other sometimes and it doesn't do to hold it against each other. I want to be home to those who feel homesick, to be an anchor to those who feel unmoored. I want to listen and quit the nervous babble - so scared that others will see that I am an idiot. Because I feel like one most of the time. I know others feel the same way. I want to quit judging others because they want you to see how smart they are. Or how spiritual they are, or how great they are at everything. I want to be happy for them. Impressed by them. Accepting of them - regardless of why I think they need to front. There is a quiet desperation (I know that term is used A LOT - but it suits my inner coocoo) to be KNOWN. If you really knew me. You would be impressed. And yet - I am quite aware that my gifts are imperfect and really quite unimpressive. But that is because my standards are ridiculous. All these things I see as failings - I see them in me. And they annoy the hell out of me when I see them in other people. I want to RELAX about it already.<br />
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My prayer is to enjoy what I have left of life. To be comfortable in my skin - and quite frankly - my clothes. I want to enjoy food, enjoy good books, good music. I want to have people over and sit in the midst of my little home even if it is a mess, and HEAR people. Enjoy who they are and what they have to share. I want to quit worrying about money - about how to make things right with the past...because sometimes you just can't. I want to quit this mantra I have about doing this thing "one day". Or feeling like I have to have the house in perfect order before I start some project because that is NEVER going to happen.<br />
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What I want to be has nothing to do with the way I look on the outside. It has everything to do with how I make others feel and how I feel about myself. I am asking God to make me kinder, more real, more aware of others, less worried about how they see me, and my house - and my dirty cars. They are so dirty right now.<br />
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Aging is a journey. I have not always traveled it well. I have either totally obsessed about or totally neglected important things. I have sought balance but haven't always been able to find it. I like myself best when I am worried about myself least. And - boom.<br />
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Therein lies the power of becoming what I truly want to be. Self-less. That may be unattainable. But I that is my goal, and what I think will make aging much more enjoyable.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-310109645787956932020-05-14T08:09:00.000-05:002020-05-14T08:09:12.537-05:00Cast Iron reflections...I love cast iron skillets.<br />
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Cast iron skillets. They are heavy and require major upkeep. But I love them.<br />
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They are forgiving. I have had to re-season them so many times. One is my grandmothers and it is over 100 years old. Another one was my husband's when he was in college. My grandmother's is so rough looking. Chipped and marred on the lip but it cooks so well. I also have little cast iron kettles that you can do soup in. They are for individual soups. They make me tingle when I look at them. Is that weird? Puppy breath does the same thing. That's weird isn't it?<br />
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Anyway. I love that they cook my steaks to the perfect char on the outside and still leave them rare and juicy on the inside. I love that I can pop 4 eggs in olive oil in one and put it in the oven on 400 for 6 minutes and have 4 perfect eggs...over easy to place on top of good seed bread that has been slathered in goat cheese with tiny sliced tomatoes...Can I tell you that the combination of flavors is amazing? It is amazing.<br />
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I love that I can cook something in them and then pop them in the oven to finish.<br />
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But what I really love is cleaning them. That's weird too isn't it?<br />
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When I am organized, which isn't often, but with my kitchen I try hard to be - I can get in my there and enjoy the process of cooking. Even the process of cleaning is cathartic. I feel the same way about chopping veggies. It seems to work out the kinks. Cleaning my cast iron is cleansing for it and for me. I pour olive oil, then nice course kosher salt and I rub my hands around in it. Scrubbing the bottom and the sides, slathering the oil and salt mixture over the edges and to the outside, over the bottom and then back to the insides. Then I rub my hands, the backs and the nail beds and cuticles and rinse with warm water. I dry it with a paper towel and place it in my oven while it is still warm. It almost feels like I am pampering a baby when I do that. I like the thoughtless rhythm that goes along with it.<br />
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It seems like such a simple thing. Mundane even. But for whatever reason, it is calming and the last thing I do in my kitchen before I wish it good night and turn out the light.<br />
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When in the right frame of mind, isn't it such a lovely thing to contemplate? The simple rhythms of the kitchen and it's nourishment for our minds and our bodies. Such a gift. Unexpected.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-44989187642678934212020-05-13T13:41:00.001-05:002020-05-13T13:51:23.771-05:00The decision - strike that - decisions...Hundreds of decisions each day. I make them. You make them. Sometimes they are good, other times, not so much.<br />
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Do I get out of my bed early and shower? Or do I lay here and read? Do I call in for a mental day? Or do I go on and do the job I committed to do? Do I have a biscuit and bacon for breakfast - with sweet creamy coffee? Or do I eat an egg with fruit and black coffee. But there is coffee. And each and every decision affects the next one. And the next one. And so on.<br />
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There are some days good decisions seem so easy. I have somehow paved the way to wake up and do the right thing and it leads to a series of good decisions. One good decision seems to beget another.<br />
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And here is the catch. I think to do it consistently -you have to do a little prep work. It is part of becoming an adult. And it works. You are never sorry for making a good decision. Or for the work that came before to help you make the good decision. You are always sorry for making a bad decision...and for not being wise enough to be prepared. And you will have bad days. A fact.<br />
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There are some people who seem to be more natural at it than others. Seeeem to be.<br />
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The hard part is being consistent. And the prep work. And well - it all takes work. At least for me. I am inconsistent at best. Because I don't want to do all the leg work.<br />
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And such is life right? We would all RATHER sit and read, or watch Netflix or stare out the window. Mm. Let me take that back. I have a friend that can't not be productive. It's annoyingly endearing. She watches TV while doing something. She's also thin and always looks put together. So - yeah. No competing with that. Not for me anyway.<br />
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With this decision making - I tend to get a little circular in my thinking - I always come back to my personality type. There are a million things that come into how and why we make the decisions we do. Knowing ourselves and how we function. Knowing what will wear us down and learning to know when to stop. But not completely taking yourself out of the rat race - because community is huge. It's important. But it's SO EXHAUSTING.<br />
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Simply put. There is no perfect algorithm. Some days are going to go well. Some days - yeah well..there's always tomorrow.<br />
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Here is my thinking. I do not do well going full blast for days on end. I burn out and I hit the skids and it is hard for me to get back in the saddle. I cut out completely remembering the misery I brought upon myself and forgetting the joy of actually being part of something that was amazing.<br />
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I have to do better at redirecting my thinking to what I accomplished - not what I felt like once I accomplished it. And maybe taking my very large ideas down a notch or two. I LOVE big ideas. That comes from working in a very large student ministry in the early 90's where excess abounded. There is a balance I can find. I KNOW it. I haven't FOUND it.<br />
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I also know I want to FIX it. Everything. You tell me a problem, I want to fix it. And I get pissed at you if you don't do what I tell you and are still complaining about the problem. Not pretty. But there it is. Sorry if you have found yourself there. I will try to do better. And you better not try to fix my problem. Because I am hard headed. I know myself - really well. And my fix it need will totally sink my decision making skills.<br />
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I also am a self flagellator. It's not a word. And it has nothing to do with gas.That's FLATULENT. Flagellation is the word - but basically I beat myself up. And not for sexual gratification if you looked the word up. I suppose you could say it is based in the religious given my desire to be all and do all. Which sounds a little like a god complex. And there is no in between. I am either full out or not. At all. And then I beat the hell out of myself. It is also exhausting. But I will get in the rut and then I can't make a good decision for beating myself up. Have I talked about this before? I feel like I have talked about this before...<br />
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So it seems I might be manic depressive -bi-polar or something. Look - I come from a family that has that history and I am watching it - trust me. My doctor said I am good unless they find me on HWY 280 directing traffic naked - which is comforting. I asked him to please not let me get that far.<br />
It would be tragic on so many levels.<br />
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I know I need to be on a couch somewhere telling a psychologist this.<br />
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But no.<br />
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My decision making paradigm is not based on a sure fire recipe. I started out trying to do that for you - for me. But really - it doesn't exist. Yes - if I plan my wardrobe and eat right and go to bed early and get at least 7 hours (for me anyway), and plan my meals, not buying any junk food (to my three son's despair and resentment), I will be on the road to my best decision making self. But let's face it. With all of my issues that's just not always going to happen.<br />
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So I fall back on grace. If you have read ANYTHING I have written before, it is my fall back and my comfort.<br />
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Grace - the unmerited favor of God. That is where I repose - but actively - in order to make the best decisions, I have to also seek wisdom. Simply put, it is bound to go well with me when I seek God and his wisdom first. Reading the word and praying before my day begins, changes me and guides me toward a better handle on any decisions that I make.<br />
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I still make bad decisions. But thankfully - God's grace is there. But until I am with the Lord and made like him - I will continue to do my best to continue to pursue wisdom. Knowing I will fail but doing my best to hear the call of God as he continues to do a good work in me - in spite of me. And it takes the burden off of me. Thank the LORD I can do this and then plan my day. If I do anything other than reading and praying in the pursuit of a good decision making day - I've already planned to fail.<br />
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What about you? What are your hangups? How does your personality sabotage good intentions? How do you fix that?<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">9 And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment,</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">10 so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. - Philippians 1:9-11</span></span><br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-71542063893225880572020-05-12T09:50:00.002-05:002020-05-12T09:57:41.547-05:00So...the apocalyptic adventure of COVID19...I have to admit to some crazy, nerdy, scandalous and somewhat embarrassing excitement when they said we were going home from school and being quarantined.<br />
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Is it horrible? Absolutely.<br />
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Do I love these types of situations? Certainly not.<br />
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But maybe...there is a part of me that thrives here. I am not at all sure what that says about me.<br />
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I have always loved apocalyptic movies. I love the hope that always seems to come from overcoming whatever odds are against the characters. I love the resourcefulness that comes from not having at hand what you normally would have. I love that you tend to bond with folks you might not normally bond with. Seriously - I totally geek out over all the ways you can use the things at hand for something else.<br />
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Do I actually want to be in that situation? Absolutely NOT.<br />
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But here are some things I things I learned from our Sheltering at Home adventure.<br />
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We did indeed become resourceful. I made masks from t-shirts several different ways. Of course we are blessed to have the internet and access to other's brilliant thinking, but I took their ideas and made them work for our family.<br />
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I implemented outside time for our family...knowing the boys would want to be in mostly gaming when they weren't doing school. I made sure I had things they would enjoy doing outside and started making meals to eat on the back porch. This has been a huge blessing. There is a lot of talk that goes on out there. We linger longer when we are on the back porch. The weather has certainly been a gift from God and has helped that so much. I have been so grateful!<br />
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My husband and I have gotten closer. I know many have said it has been harder. And it truly is in some ways. His and my working from home causes some clashes that we are having to learn to maneuver around. But honestly - I like him here. We have taken to walking together. We are trying to read what the other enjoys. He will not listen to my music ( I get it - I am a bubble gum pop girl and it is not very cool or sophisticated of me ) - but he loves me in spite of it. I have learned to love some of his moody Americana music. I am reading articles he sends me, and he is reading articles I send him and we TALK about it. Amazing. I am smarter for it.<br />
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I am taking Spanish. I have a Latin community at the high school that I love and sometimes there is a barrier that my speaking Spanish will overcome. I am working toward it and have been excited about getting back with my students and learning to communicate.<br />
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I made TAMALES! I did. It was fun. And delicious. There is a learning curve. But next time I know how to make it easier. I would never have done this prior to all this time I have been gifted.<br />
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I am getting certification in some things that will help me be a better para-educator for my special needs classes. I have to be proactive in my search - but it will be so helpful once I complete them. Once again - never would have done this on my own. I would have looked to the administration to ask me to do it. Maybe they would have - if it had been necessary - but generally not something that they require. The fact that it makes ME better able to serve the students I minister to daily is enough to make it worth it.<br />
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I am cleaning out. I have become more organized. I am finding a place for everything or giving it away or throwing it away. This is a huge lesson in learning to simplify. And I love simple. LOVE IT. I love my home now. This is a blessing. I have hated this little cluttered place. It made me overwhelmed. The time that has been gifted to be able to focus on how to live better where I am is - well it is absolutely a gift.<br />
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I have my two 20 year olds with me. They would be away from me during this time. They are adults now and in college. I would not have had them with me for the last several weeks. I know they would rather be at school. They miss their friends. But I have loved having them here. I have had to learn to curb my critcisms...knowing the things they are still working through will eventually come to pass. They are still maturing and finding who they are. I try to suggest and then leave them to process Really it is more of a learning process for me. But being able to wrap my arms around them and kiss their sweet faces has been over and above anything I could have asked for.<br />
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When I look back at what I have written it seems pretty self involved - which let's face it - I really am. But as much as I feel life has been interrupted - the biggest interruption being church and schools in my opinion, there has been much to be grateful for. I have had fear, I have had sorrow, I have worried about what is going to happen next. But I have learned to find the joy in the midst of the scary. God has shown himself to be close to me, even when I did not move toward him.<br />
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COVID19 has been an exercise in trusting God in the next thing. I have to pull my thoughts back and corral them in the here and now. God has given me everything I need for this moment. And I trust he will for the next moment as well - I try not to let my mind go there. I choose rather to trust that his grace is good for whatever good or hard thing comes. I have to believe that. I pray you can do the same. His grace is sufficient.<br />
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2 Corinthians 12:9<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="reftext" style="background-color: white; font-size: 11px; font-weight: 700; line-height: 15px; margin-left: 1px; margin-right: 2px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 25px; vertical-align: text-top;"><a href="http://biblehub.com/2_corinthians/12-9.htm" style="text-decoration-line: none;"><b>9</b></a></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 25px;">But he said to me, </span><span class="woc" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 25px;">“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 25px;"> Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.</span></span><br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-58514533967436783022020-04-11T09:32:00.002-05:002020-04-12T07:26:34.651-05:00Yet another epiphany During this quarantine, I have searched for new books - adult books - woman books. I stumbled across Barbara O'Neal. Her books are poignant, yet forgiving. I have read two so far that were about the human in all of us. The disaster we can be and the good within.<br />
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I have cried reading both <i>When We Believed in Mermaids</i> and <i>The Art of Inheriting Secrets</i>. They were both so good. They made me, for some reason, look inside and realize the battle I keep fighting over and over is pretty much the same for every person. I am drawn to broken people. Always have been.<br />
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Even with that in mine, my problem - with both myself and other people, is that I want to deposit them in the good box or the bad box. Interestingly enough I have done both with myself. I pull myself out of the good box and beat the hell out of me in the bad box. Then I am like, "Why am I over there? Look at all of the good I do, how I suffer over loving well (which is poo) and just love on me over in the good box.<br />
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It's not like I am different from anyone else. I think we all think we are inherently good people. Unless we know ourselves really well. The we know we are a lot of both. Sometimes mostly good. Sometimes mostly bad.<br />
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I used to be pretty trusting. People are good. People are lovely. And one time by people who I trusted because they loved Jesus hurt me pretty badly. I was crushed when this happened. Crushed. Broken. Fragile. Resisted Repair. I threw away those relationships -tossed them. Had no use for them anymore. The person I am within Christ - which is all the time, realizes now, that I am capable of the same hurtful and crushing thing to others. I have done those same things. But I have not extended grace to the ones that have hurt me.<br />
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It's a protection. It's my way of protecting who I think I am, and it is my way of not getting hurt to that extent again.<br />
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Funny thing.<br />
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This last week - I have had so much think time. The quarantine for COVID 19 has given me plenty of time away from my busy-ness to plunder the inside of my head and it is a little unhappy with it's findings.<br />
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I am not as good as I think I am- actually I am so much worse than I think I am. But here is the thing. I am not the only one. That is how we all are. I am absolutely capable of crushing, breaking and rendering fragile the people I come in contact with, and have done so. I have spent years bemoaning how to fix these things. I want to make those hurts I have caused go away. But - I have cut myself off from those people. I have run away and don't know if I can ever fix them.<br />
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But God can.<br />
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He can heal them for me as well. The distrust I have in the children of God, "Church" people especially, is a sin I must quit lugging around. I have been hurt, but I have also hurt. And I did so with a vengeance, wanting to punish and cause pain. I don't think it worked nearly as well as I wanted it to - which hurt even more. I felt it meant they didn't care as much as I did.<br />
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So God -<br />
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I am reading Genesis right now. It is full of people that do bad things...just like me. People that are told distinctly not to, and they do anyway. The election of God's people is a mysteriously confusing thing.<br />
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But this last week I had an epiphany.<br />
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I was thinking of David and how he was a man after God's own heart. And David did some HORRIBLE things - just so wrong. How do we reconcile the David that God loved from the David that was just so bad at life choices sometimes?<br />
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I have to. Because David is me. And whether I like it or not, God has somehow chosen me and loves me like he loved David. This is controversial to the extreme but knowing the evil in me, and thinking I can choose God on my own is ludicrous. And I know that readers will fight this tooth and nail. Because I have done so for many years. I belong to a PCA church that believes in election. I have had this conversation over and over and over again. I am a Baptist going to a Presbyterian church and my sweet pastor of 20 years has let me just wave away the idea of election telling me it is not necessary to be saved. Knowing I am a sinner, knowing that I cannot save myself, knowing that I need forgiveness and a Savior is. God provided that for me. He sacrificed his son for those sins, in my place. I know I am a sinner. I know I need forgiveness and I know my Savior came willingly and allowed himself to be sacrificed for my sins and then he rose again proving he had the power to heal my wrongdoing over and over again. And at one point I felt that this was my choice. That I chose God. And I reveled in my goodness for that amazing choice. And that is also why it made me angry when I initially heard this premise. I wanted to be the one to do it. Once again the toddler stomping my foot and demanding to do it by myself.<br />
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But this week, something hit me. I really am totally incapable of good. <i>Any</i> good that is in me is because God placed it there. I cannot even choose God without his nudging. The only reason I keep slogging it out and returning to God in the midst of all my bad choices is because God continues to draw me to himself again and again. He did not allow me to choose. He formed a relationship within me to desire God, to desire the mercy his son offered me when he died for my repeated bad choices - my sin.<br />
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But there is a freedom and a gratitude that this has given me. I now understand WHY there is nothing that can tear me out of the hand of God. And it is SO undeserving. It breaks my heart and it crushes me and my fragility is so evident - I am humbled. The Gospel becomes clear in its express desire to realize that without God, without the sacrifice of his son - and without his election, I would be lost. There is nothing in me that deserves this and I realize suddenly that I cannot choose good. And I have said this before - but somehow have always reserved a part that revels in my own ability to see that this is my choice. Because without that my independence suffers. I did not do it on my own.<br />
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So why did those books lead me to this? The heroines in this book had such good things about them - but also very broken things. I saw myself in them. Because I see that there is yuck even in the best, most beautiful and engaging person, the ones who preach Jesus fervently and point to him and the gospel - even they can commit heinous sins and they can rationalize it - JUST LIKE ME. Each and every person is a mix of broken, nasty and amazing kindness that we just don't always get to see. So our response to this should always be grace.<br />
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Grace - unmerited favor - because honestly without having it given to me - there is no way I can extend it to others, and without realizing that it has been freely given to me, I will withhold it from others thinking they should deserve it first - because I did. Wrong. Such wrong thinking. And even though I know what grace means - there is a part of me that I have carved out that says I deserve forgiveness because - and there is a laundry list of things I can pull out that totally and completely ignores the even longer laundry list of disgusting and embarrassing things I have done.<br />
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Life has happened to me. And much of it is amazing and beautiful and undeserved. And life has happened to me in things that I did not deserve necessarily - that I had no control over. Evils that have repercussions and have changed who I am and maybe even who I would be -<br />
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but God -<br />
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He allowed the hard unlovely things, sin being what it is, but he also allowed the most wondrous things in spite of me. He has chosen me in spite of my density (I am <i>so</i> dense) and it has produced a lightness and joy that I cannot explain. After years of trying to relegate the good and evil, I get it...at least at this moment. Never discount that density (smile).<br />
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I may have to have this epiphany over and over again. And so I cling to grace and I am praying that I extend it more readily. Now that I know that I had absolutely no part in saving myself. And I will struggle again and again with that - until he comes to take us home. Even so Lord - quickly come.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-66409164997263905552020-03-24T10:16:00.000-05:002020-03-24T11:15:26.712-05:00Lean in to it...So when I have friends, both young and old asking how do you keep your sanity, how do I deal with the pain? How do I....? There are a million unhelpful answers to that question. I have two 20 year olds and a 17 year old underfoot right now - in a very small house! And quite frankly - I am having to do a lot of deep breathing. So - in the middle of hard things - especially right now with moms being home with the kiddos 24 - 7 - how do we cope?<br />
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For young women with young families, telling them that time will be gone before they know it and they need to learn to enjoy it while they are in it, just causes resentment - or seems to. I have seen many Facebook rants about how us older women come in and say things like that. So really - that is not helpful at all - though true it may be. When you are in the middle of what feels like constant stress, constant need, constant need from someone - your energy is depleted. Your will is gone. You are used up and feel like you can't take another minute. I do remember those days.<br />
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In my opinion - and this goes for both young mothers with little ones at home on up to us middle agers and older women, there are good ways to deal with the "I can't take it anymores".<br />
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The first thing is - make sure you are taking time to read and meditate. Preferably in the mornings before you start your day. It doesn't have to be long. Save your Bible study and ruminations for after the kiddos go to bed, or during nap time. In the mornings, set your timer - 15, 20 - 30 minutes, whatever you feel you have time for that day. Choose an easy Bible reading plan that gives you sustaining scripture and read it, then pray it, then think on it - just for a bit. Then pray over your family and your list of things to do that day and get to work. The timer is there just to help you manage your time well.<br />
<a href="https://onethingalone.com/bible-reading-plans-slackers/?fbclid=IwAR3z5WXHbtpbvc4wYBj0nekQ9tpoqvFiQcog_umLbsU4F0dWtQ0AUgga2_c" target="_blank">8 simple daily Bible reading plans - </a><br />
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This means you either have to plan to get up before your kiddos do, or that you will have to get them busy doing something while you take this time. I'm good with setting them in front of Veggietales - or whatever the babies are watching these days.<br />
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That brings me to my next point. The age of social media is crushing in it's life sucking standards. We aren't living life when we try to keep up with all the people around us - we are extinguishing real living. I love social media - especially Facebook. It lets me catch up with extended family and all of my discipleship kiddos I have had over the years. It is a blessing to me. But I am easily sucked into the shiny, happy lives of my friends and can find myself wondering why we can't afford to go to Disney every year, or to the Bahamas, or - well - whatever thing our friends are sharing that day can feel like a jab instead of an encouragement. So - limit your time there. Do not follow the friends who are constantly thrusting their glitzy lives at you. Find the ones that encourage you and make you want to love Jesus more and follow them. You don't have to unfriend anyone. But your feed can be full of people that you enjoy. And heaven forbid that you take your high standard friends at their word for what they are actually doing. Keep your standards high - but trust in God's grace to help you with your babies. Your house does not have to be perfect. You do not have to have hard wood floors, and granite counter tops. You do not have to drive a Tahoe. Make your house a home. Be more driven to make it have a feeling of love and generosity - not that it has the latest Chip and Joanna feel to it. Not that that is wrong - it is just extra and not at all necessary. Find a place where you can enjoy your family without the pressure of the list of things you HAVE to do to make your children able to function successfully in the world.<br />
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I wanted to be that mama. The one where people thought I had it together and I was on top of it all. It was exhausting. And frankly - it sucked more of the life out of me than I was willing to give as an older mom. I remember telling people what I did and didn't do. I remember telling them "I always" or "I never" and eventually my always turned into nevers and nevers turned into always. So yeah - that plan never works in my opinion. Instead, remember that God loves your babies even more than you, and he is not going to let them miss an opportunity that will grow them closer to him. He will place those opportunities within reach of you and your children as they grow. If you want to run your legs off taking them to every sport, every music lesson for multiple instruments, dance and every clinic and feel that they are missing out if you don't get them into travel ball (can you tell I am talking to myself? Because I am) team out there - then you have no one to blame but yourself. It is equally important that they get to sit and look out the window and let their little minds wander, as it is that they are increasing their knowledge and physical prowess. They need to wander and play and enjoy simplicity. Now I get it - even though I seriously lean toward the lazy - I understand you Type A'ers need to move and do. Just find your balance. Happy medium is my favorite go to. Do not let stress ruin your days. Pick carefully what you fill your lives with and learn to let yourself off the hook when things are too hard. God's grace is sufficient - even if your kids don't get to do what you think will make them the best. It's ok. God has them. Walk in faith knowing that your efforts are not what they always need. God's grace is.<br />
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Lastly - and I am sure I will think of a million other things that helped as well - but I found when I leaned into something hard, it helped with the crazy, or the hurt, or the pressure. Leaning into it simply put - well let me just use baseball lingo since I am a 3 boy mom and have experienced years of baseball. If you lean into a pitch that is inside and it hits you...you get to first base. You move forward. This is a tactical play. It stings, maybe it hurts - but you move forward. This is sometimes how I deal with life. I just deal with the hard. I hunker down and take the hit knowing it will pass soon enough and that every moment I am given grace and strength by a loving, heavenly Father. I put scripture up around the house that reminds me that I can do it moment by moment and before I know it, I have moved from one hard stage to the next hard stage.<br />
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I think it helps to remember that every stage we go through gets easier in some ways and harder in others. It also helps us keep from thinking we are in a worse situation than the ones that have older children. There is never a stage that our children go through that is not difficult in some way. I remember talking to an older friend when she told me that this stage with her grown, married children was the hardest. I was like WHAT? She said that when they were struggling she couldn't fix it anymore. She had to back off and let them manage it themselves. I was devastated. But the more I thought about it, the more I saw that she was right. My comfort in every stage thus far was that I had a semblance of control when it came to helping my boys. That goes away once they become adults. But once again - leaning into it - hunkering down and mourning their failures as they start managing their own lives. It works. It is not always easy and I will say I fight it, but looking at the worst case scenario and reminding myself that God will take care of them, just as he has me, is truly helpful.<br />
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God bless you as you find your way. You are always welcome to contact me if you have questions, or need someone to listen.<br />
<br />
mismi40 at gmail.comUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-47699352096686681242019-06-14T10:09:00.001-05:002019-06-14T11:11:33.121-05:00Everybody loves a story....and we all have one. Our stories change from day to day. I love to hear the back stories of people and places. One of my favorite things to do when we travel is to look up the weird names of the towns we pass through and see how they got the names. So much fun. So interesting!<br />
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But each one of our stories holds the key to why we are the way we are, how we got to be where we are, where we are headed and what drives us.<br />
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I have "wallered" in my past. I have wanted to let a moment in time define me. But it was just a chapter. And those hard chapters are best to learn from and move past. Take what you learn, and shake the dust off. Find ways to see those faces that hurt you with joy and supernatural love (love of God - no way I am strong enough to do that), or to use the times you feel you failed as experience for the next hurdle. Gird yourself (encircle with sword - or tools) to defeat the next battle. And what story does not include some kind of battle? It is what builds the character in our faces, they give us the ability to face the future without fear and a chance to offer grace because we know what it feels like to be defeated and to win.<br />
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I adore a good story. Mine is of a girl who hoped to sing and lead others in worship and who succeeded at such for a time and who wants to again. One who used her good works as her righteousness and was disillusioned when she found her good works did not mean life would not hold pain. A girl who loved others even when they were not always well loved. And one who trusted unwisely and sometimes very unwisely stepped into situations that would cause her to doubt her faith, to withhold friendship and to be sorry she allowed her hurt to drive her away. And one who found an old friend and married him - her complete opposite, who had three precious boys. But all in all it has been a life full of joy. Though I wish I had fought harder in some cases, I am thankful that God gave me the hard times, so that I can hold out hope to others. And throughout it all there was fun - even in the midst of hurt, there was laughter, and there was love. I was not laid out totally.<br />
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I want to encourage those who find themselves in the same place to surround themselves in the fellowship of those who love God and to be HONEST in their struggles. There are others who are feeling just like you. They need to know they are not alone in their quest to move past the hurt. They need to be encouraged to KNOW that every person despite what their shiny social media stories depict, that there is pain there and they are real people who struggle mightily with the same things you do. We all put our best story forward. I encourage you to be honest about yours. Give us the good and the bad. Don't waller like me - but share it so others can know there is always hope in the midst of the yuck of this life. And there is much joy in this life as well. The yuck kind of helps us enjoy those joyful moments even more.<br />
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Share your story with me! I want to hear it!<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-45497111216761575372019-06-11T09:19:00.001-05:002019-06-11T09:19:22.949-05:00Summer Time I woke up with things bumping into each other in my head this morning. Why do I love pajamas so much? That egg that Grayson cracked yesterday reminded me of how we can look so beautiful on the outside and be so nasty on the inside. I need to get Andy's grill put together so we can grill tonight...or maybe tomorrow night. Should I get the 19 year old up for class or should I just let him stay there...what if he forgot set his alarm? Oh my gosh - is that the litter box I smell all the way back here?<br />
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These things. All like a bowl of spaghetti in my head. Until I rolled my butt out of the bed and looked out the window. Then I thought, those chairs for the back porch should have been here yesterday- I never saw them. I grabbed my phone and tracked it and sure enough it said it had been delivered. Yikes. I never saw them. I poke my head out the front door and there they are. And I have to put them alllllll together. Along with Andy's grill. phth.<br />
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But OH MY GOODNESS! IT IS BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE. AND IT FEELS SO GOOD!<br />
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I cannot tell you enough how much I love summer. And I love it in all of it' moods. Sunny and beautiful. Cloudy and humid. Sunny and humid. Thunderstorms are really lovely.<br />
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At least at the beginning. Summer is a stunner. It makes my heart skip.<br />
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As a paraeducator for special needs - both self contained and inclusion, I need a chunk of time to recharge my batteries. To dream. To read. To let my imagination wander down pathways - meander even. I love to meander. I am a meanderer. I just am not always able to do that. Even though it feels like my normal state. So needless to stay 9 months of full gear tend to wear me down. I pour myself into my job. Because I love it. But it can make me an emotional mess. Working with people - adults can be so hard. Women - you especially - certainly not all of you- but yeah - maybe all of you - dang girls...you gotta' get those insecurities under wraps. Of course I am talking to myself. My insecurities run RAMPANT. I think honesty kind of helps. Just let it out. Tell people your foibles.<br />
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SO THAT UP THERE....that is what it is like in my head all the time. I have to restrain it and redirect it constantly during the school year. But in the summer - I have time and space to let it go. And it is delightful.<br />
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I watch TED talks and read lots of stuff. Good stuff and bad stuff. I ponder and I act on things I have wanted to get done. The time my mind stays focused and doesn't run around like a chicken with its head cut off is when I am reading, writing, or watching movies. So I do a lot of that. I clean my house knowing once school starts it will be 9 months before it gets cleaned again. I organize and throw away, give away, re-organize - hoping that I will finally find the key to keeping things where they are supposed to be - (good luck girl -rolling my eyes).<br />
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But SUMMER...lets me roam. I don't have to get it all done. I let myself off the hook to enjoy moments that come up. I can take on too much sometimes. But normally that is not a bad thing. I make it harder than it has to be most of the time.<br />
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But my heart is thankful for it. And I enjoy it so. It really does make me better for the coming school year. I know that the students and I need it desperately!<br />
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So - here's to summer. Enjoy every minute. Happy meandering...if that's your thing. ;)<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-76239162210320406972018-11-17T07:50:00.002-06:002018-11-18T10:45:25.289-06:00Things being what they are....We are all a little insecure. I see it every day. I struggle with it every day. I see it in friends who walk up on others and hear them discussing them - or not discussing them but they think they are. I have been there, had that happen. That uncomfortable silence as everyone is trying to adjust the conversation to seem less like they were not talking about you. Or maybe they weren't.<br />
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Perspective. That is the key. I have done that to other people. So do I have a right to be upset when someone does it to me? Not really - but feelings are still feelings - and they hurt when we feel betrayed. But the fact is - we are not always lovable. I am not always lovable. I can be bitchy, and sarcastic, and a know it all...and others know it. It behooves me to be self aware.<br />
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I have become pragmatic in my old age.<br />
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The other day I was in a foul mood. And I said some things about others I shouldn't have. I heard them over and over again in my head that night. My comforter and conscience (Holy Spirit) was nudging me. I had to go in to work and apologize to people for saying things that were not accurate. They wanted to excuse it - by telling me what they heard. I told them I appreciated it - but it was nothing other than discontent and sin on my part and I was sorry - to please forgive me. I hated every minute of it. I was embarrassed and felt that it was just one more reason to dislike myself. BUT - when it was done there was an amazingly clean and free feeling that took over those dark thoughts.<br />
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I have a friend who shuts down my curiosity EVERY. TIME. I am always a little miffed at that. But she is right. Her response to me is "That is not my story to tell". And quite frankly the first few times she did it I was like, "Huh. Really. Aren't you something?". That was internally by the way - and it was with a snarky attitude. Blech. I am so ugly sometimes. BUT - she is not wrong. But me being me - I will probably fight that battle the rest of my life. I keep thinking I will grow out of this puppy stage....<br />
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BUT - things being what they are...I am glad I am aware of my failures. I pray God moves me from this place to be better. I want to be real, to be loving, to be kind. Talking about others is not any of those things. Well - it is real - but there I go with that darn circular thinking. When I say real - I mean - vulnerable - open to being corrected - letting others see my faults but also see that I want God to work those icks out. Not settling by using a "keeping it real" attitude as an excuse for not trying harder to be more. I do not want to be self-righteous or plastic. The whole setting myself up on a pedestal is not acceptable. I fall way too much to do that kind of thing.<br />
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I guess my whole thought process here is - when it comes right down to it, talking about people is wrong. But when you do - say your sorry. Try to not do it. And don't use excuses to keep from having to apologize or to keep wedging your big ol' nose in there to find out the scoop.<br />
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Totally talking to myself. If you see you in there too - well - you do you. (wink. heart. smile)<br />
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God bless and keep us all!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-42946676942964859702018-06-12T10:43:00.001-05:002018-06-12T17:14:43.471-05:00ReleaseSunday morning I woke up and dragged myself and my boys to Kingdom Community at my church (Sunday School). I got there late and was too embarrassed to go in and interrupt the teacher so I hung outside. I saw our children's minister and began talking to him. Our oldest children just graduated from high school. We started talking about their future plans and how God is leading them. I started tearing up as I told him my fears for my babies. I did not do a good enough job. I failed them in so many areas. I have not prayed for them as I should. I did not make them do things I probably should have made them do, and now, in a few short weeks they will be away from me. And my heart cries.<br />
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In my discussion with him, I realized I am scared to death. I did not do right by my children and now they were going to fail at college because of me.<br />
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So Monday. I am slogging through this fear. I cannot see beyond it. I am totally captivated and en-mired in it. I accomplish nothing. I do not go to God. As a matter of fact, I start dredging up and making excuses for all of my failures. And I mention that God failed me in my mutterings. He has left me alone to dangle in my miserable little world (of MY creation). A friend texted me and sent me encouraging words from scripture and I ignored them. Instead of paying heed, I buried myself in reading and watching Netflix. I put off thinking at all by filling my mind with something that would keep me from both fear and accomplishing what I needed to. I envisioned things that were unholy and self serving. I did it until the wee hours of the morning. I did not want to lay my head down. I was mentally and physically fatigued to the point of wishing when I closed my eyes, I would not wake up again.<br />
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Now - I am not normally a melodramatic person. I truly hate drama. And yet - I reveled in it yesterday. I drummed it up and danced around it. Ridiculous.<br />
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I slept. Finally.<br />
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This morning my heavenly father - whose mercies are new every morning met me where I was - in the mess I had made in an unfettered mind run amuck. My mind was still and I went downstairs to a pot of coffee that had been made and left for me by my husband. And I sat with it and reached for my devotional book written for moms, and it led me to this scripture:<br />
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<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+5&version=NIV" target="_blank">Romans 5 NIV</a><br />
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I am undone. The Gospel - so simple and so rewarding - can be so offensive to an independent mind like my own. I think it is all up to me. The Gospel says it is not. I think that if I mess up, that my life and those touched by it will not prosper. The Gospel says that is not true.<br />
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My hope lies with a God who sacrificed his Son so that I might live an imperfect yet significant life. This life of struggle is a beautiful thing - when my mind is set correctly. The law which I am so set to follow and do on my own, only points me to Christ in my failure to be able to accomplish it. My "I got this" attitude is a smelly mess and serves no one well. Because honestly, I do not have this. I WANT to have this. I WANT to accomplish and prosper by my own hand. I WANT to be a person who is admired and loved by those accomplishments. But that is not possible. I end up failing and berating myself and utterly miserable.<br />
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The Gospel says that I have HOPE in the midst of my sin - my inabilities, my failures, my stubborn refusal to trust.<br />
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And the gem that truly makes my heart relax, my mind rest is this:<br />
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<span class="text Rom-5-20" id="en-NIV-28068" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Romans 5:20b, 21 But where sin increased, grace increased all the more,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28068AO" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28068AO" title="See cross-reference AO">AO</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Rom-5-21" id="en-NIV-28069" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">21 </span>so that, just as sin reigned in death,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28069AP" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28069AP" title="See cross-reference AP">AP</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> so also grace<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28069AQ" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28069AQ" title="See cross-reference AQ">AQ</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28069AR" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28069AR" title="See cross-reference AR">AR</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> through Jesus Christ our Lord.</span><br />
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Grace. (<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.) </span>In spite of my failures, God holds out grace to me and to my children. Does God expect my perfection? My abilities? Even my consistency? No. He knows me. He knows my lack of ability, my inconsistency and my imperfection (vast ) - He sees it and loves me anyway. I cannot comprehend it. It is where I fail to trust him every time.<br />
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This morning I am praising God. He has raised me up in the midst of my misery to a new hope and fervor to be faithful to show him and his mercies to my family and to those who are much like me. They will be fine. He will show himself faithful to them, just as he has been to me. I pray they are better at listening and believing than I am. I pray they do not beat their heads against a wall in their attempt to do it all by themselves. But I am afraid they are much like me and will have the same struggles. But God is faithful. They will be fine.<br />
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I hope this finds someone and encourages them as it has me. God is gracious in his love toward us. On that we can rely.<br />
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God bless and keep you!<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-65971217752727034042018-06-06T11:31:00.000-05:002018-06-06T11:49:34.697-05:00Hush Hush Saga - Books 1 - 4<br />
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I just finished reading The Hush Hush Saga by Becca Fitzpatrick. Young adult and teen readers will enjoy it.<br />
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The books are about a young girl named Nora who recently lost her father. Her mother works leaving her by herself very often. She is 16, a good student and has one very good friend. And a nemesis that plagues her named Marcie. She is in class with a dangerous, dark, very attractive boy that she is wary of. But when he gets placed as her partner for an assignment, she becomes intrigued by him. Of course this eventually leads to a romance that eventually reveals that she has nephilim blood. Nephilim being half angel, half human.<br />
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The whole angel thing is a separate and confused from what we traditionally think of angels as being. The archangels are selfish and manipulative. There are also fallen angels that live on Earth and - basically seem to be criminals. Patch - the dark, dangerous boy Nora falls for is a fallen angel. There is enmity between the archangels, fallen angels and the nephilim. Nephilim are considered a mistake and it appears the archangels and the fallen angels in the midst of their own quarreling, agree the nephilim are good for only one thing and that is during the month of Cheshvan they can be possessed by the fallen angels. The reason the fallen angels want to possess the nephilim is because they cannot feel. They sense emotion - but sensation from physical touch is withheld from them. Which means during that month they force the nephilim to swear fealty to them and possess their bodies to obtain sensation. Of course, this causes resentment and anger from the nephilim. There is unrest and the story is about this unrest and how Nora becomes an integral part of solving the problem, or of perpetuating it - you decide.<br />
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There is very little value to this book other than entertainment. Nora is a petty, immature - almost bratty at times, only child. She is shallow and really any fortitude she shows comes from - well - really - I don't know where it comes from. She is flat and I found no connection with her at all.<br />
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What she needs is what every other insecure teenager - or person in general - needs. Acceptance and love.<br />
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"Patch's hands fell on my hips, pulling me close. "Yeah. Need a demonstration?" He kissed me once. Then again, drawing it out with a few inventive maneuvers of his tongue. "I love you". "...He brushed the curls back off my face. "I never picture my life so complete. I never thought I'd have everything I want. You're everything to me Angel [Norah]."<br />
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"His words filled my heart to the brim. I loved him in a way I'd never be able to express in words. He was part of me. And I was part of him. Tethered together for the rest of eternity. I leaned in and kissed him. "I just might take you up on your offer...."<br />
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There is nothing wrong with needing love, or longing to be loved. I have a problem with it when our kiddos think it is the answer to everything - or that finding someone that loves you and you love back will make life perfect. But of course - everyone loves a happy ending and the girl gets the boy seems to be the one most prefer. (smile) Really the books I love are the ones that show the girl finds her worth in something other than the boy and he appreciates her for what she is...not just for being his.<br />
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It is a good story. I wanted to see what happened which led me easily and very quickly from book 1 - book 4. This could have easily been fit into one book though. Which seems to be the bent of the day. Charge $10 a piece for 4 books you would really only be willing to pay $15 for. Easy summer reading...that is my summation of the book. Get it from the library if you can.<br />
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Happy Reading Folks!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-70334025097767990192018-04-24T05:36:00.000-05:002018-04-24T05:36:07.563-05:00Review: Divergent Series - Veronica RothAuthor: Veronica Roth<br />
Publisher: Katherine Tegan Books<br />
Genre: Young Adult Fiction, Dystopian, Fantasy, Science Fiction<br />
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Divergent is about a world that has long since had its World War III and is trying to piece itself back together. A group of people living within walls of a broken down Chicago, where Lake Michigan is all but gone. Five factions - a way of dividing society so it prospers - manage day to day lives. Abnegation is the government. They are selfless and are trusted to make and uphold laws because of their natural ability to deny themselves what they want most. Candor manages law. The Candors are honest to a fault - annoyingly so. So it stands to reason that they handle the law the same way. Amity are the food producers. They are kind and value peace above all things. They are silly and loving and will do whatever they need to in order to avoid conflict. Erudite are smart. They handle technology and science. This faction is where the doctors and the computer techs reside. And then there is Dauntless. They are the ones who guard the city and its people. They are the ones who keep the town safe and look to help those who cannot help themselves when it comes to violence. They are reckless and brave.<br />
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When the children of the city turn 16. They are tested for their traits and have to decide which faction suits them. They then go to live in that faction. They can choose to stay in their own, even if they test differently. But if they choose to go to a different faction, they are asked to cleave to their faction. They believe strongly in "faction before family".<br />
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Beatrice Prior is a small, colorless girl. She is seemingly timid. She tries to adhere to her Abnegation teachings, but feels she is not worthy of the selfless behavior her faction exhibits. The books are about about her choice and how she deals with it.<br />
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There are so many wonderful aspects to this story. Tris Prior is a small heroine that becomes larger than life as her story unfolds. Her small, paleness is outweighed by her ability to take several of her traits and use them. She becomes striking and brave and is strong beyond some of her larger more beautiful cohorts. She is not afraid to be who she is. She grows throughout the books. She is not perfect; She is flawed. Her journey is not easy. She fights her own frailties and flounders a bit. I love this about her.<br />
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Four is her trainer and her strong support. He is an amazing character in that he has very few fears. He guards those fears but allows himself to be vulnerable with Tris. His own story unfolds and makes someone seemingly invincible become wonderfully human.<br />
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Each faction has merit, but it also has its equal failings. Veronica Roth builds an amazing story around human traits that allows us to see that each person has potential to be their very best or very worst self. Our choices are what propel us to be more than we ever thought: Or end us.<br />
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I loved these books. Hated the movies. What's new?</div>
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The stories have language and premarital sex. It is not rampant. The kids are little adults. Seem to be much older than they actually are. Tris and Four's relationship is fairly balanced. It is very mature. Parents are present - but are background characters. They are also a mixed bag of good and bad. Some better than others. </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-76846236540048975282018-04-19T12:18:00.000-05:002018-04-20T09:48:31.226-05:00Review - Lux Novels - Jennifer L. Armentrout<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Lux Series by Jennifer L. Armentrout. Publisher: Entangled Teen</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"> Genre: Young Adult, Fantasy, Romance, Paranormal</span><br />
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The Lux series is about a group of aliens that travelled to earth to live. They have assimilated seamlessly - or have seemed to until some unexpected things occur. A Floridian named Katy that moves to West Virginia is our heroine. Her dad died of cancer and her devoted work-a-holic mom is wanting to start over in a new place. Ketterman, West Virginia is a very small town full of strange people. And there is an obvious tension from the very beginning. Her next door neighbors are siblings. Beautiful siblings. Her first encounter is with an annoying but beautiful boy named Damon. She then gets to meet his equally beautiful sister who is charming and very likable. They are destined to become great friends - in spite of huge differences. Those differences are what this book is based on. That - and overcoming those differences. And of course an undeniable sexual attraction. A girl - who doesn't really know she is beautiful and a boy - who definitely does know he is beautiful - fall in love. Each additional book opens to new characters and perpetuates the saga of Katy and Daemon as well as Daemon's family and those connected with a secret government operation that uses people to further their plans. No one can be trusted (but the person you love and that loves you back) and everyone has a dark side. <br />
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These books are easy reading, light, fun and exciting. Jennifer Armentrout is good at hooking you into reading more. Young adults and teens will eat it up.<br />
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I like that she takes different groups of characters and shows there are good ones and bad ones. There is no black and white - lots of gray, all good all bad. Each person has strengths and frailties - they can be good - but they can be bad. It takes into account that bad decisions can't be undone. They can be absolved by sincerity of intention - as long as that person is willing to look past what is seemingly too big of an obstacle to overcome. There is also a sense of working off your bad decisions - making it right.<br />
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Titillation (I really don't like this word - but it is accurate) is all throughout the book. It will hold a teen or young adult captive for sure. There is pre-marital sex and absentee parents abound. These kids are raising themselves. With limited help from supportive and loving parents. A teenager's dream. If only all teenagers were as mature as these kiddos. Another thing that realistically speaking our young people need to realize, is that it takes more than just loving one person and them loving you back to <i>keep</i> you happy. There are parts of the book that make Katy and Daemon's complete and utter happiness in their love seem like the pinnacle of all things. Which, of course, is not true.<br />
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And the kids have potty mouths. Words like douchebag, dickhead, slut shaming, and there are others - such as fuck - but you get the picture. Really not so different than what I hear in the hallways at school. If you have a teenager - they have more than likely heard these words. It is a maturity thing. Most kids grow out of it. But you need to know it is there.<br />
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Jennifer Armentrout has young adult fiction and she labels it well. It really is all about the relationship. Katy is sassy and she doesn't cave to the male lead. She fights him and herself to be who she is. Does she care about others in relation to Daemon? Yes - she does. The couple is a happy accident though. Typical pushing away because of the inability to believe he could be attracted to her but the attraction cannot be stopped and therefore they end up in a big mess that has to be overcome because of their - da da da dum....forbidden love. But it is an enjoyable big mess.<br />
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She also does adult fiction which - if your teen tumbles into looking for more of her books - is soft porn. And it is racy stuff. You should be aware of that. And it is available from your online library - so they can have it on their device and you might never know unless you are pretty good at keeping up with what they download.<br />
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My job in this review is not to recommend one way or the other. It is strictly to give parents an idea of what their child is reading. And if you find they are reading it, the information above should give you a good basis to ask questions that will allow them to think realistically.<br />
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God bless and keep you.<br />
Happy ReadingUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-28143625803580943032018-04-19T09:37:00.001-05:002018-04-19T09:53:41.135-05:00Reviews and Tools For Parents and TeachersI am going to start reviewing books. I read a lot of books. I read a lot of Young Adult fiction. You know why? Because I have worked with high school kids for 30 years and I know how easily influenced they can be by the written word. Especially romance and the ideas that come with those mush laden stories. My girls - and boys - need me to know what they are reading. They need YOU to know what they are reading. There are tools we can give them that will help them enjoy and be balanced in their reading. It's hard work. Especially if you don't love to read. But I am here to help you. (smile)<br />
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When Twilight was the thing I remember seeing some of my girls reading it and telling them, "It's a fun read - but please...PLEASE understand, a guy climbing through your window and watching you sleep is not sexy. In reality - it is seriously CREEPY. And you would freak the heck out -that's a normal response. Hear me - normal response is to freak the heck out - do NOT think that is something you want." I laughingly deliver this - but I am so serious. They know it.<br />
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Not kidding. Our kids need to be told this. OK - Some of our kids. I would have been one of those kids. The fairy tale was what I wanted to be reality and it got me into a bit of trouble at times.<br />
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Another thing that comes with the dose of good common sense while reading these books is the ability to tell myself that I will not feed into the rampant PATHOS. Yes. I said PATHOS. I cry - I can feel so sorry for the heroine - and in turn - I feel sorry for myself. This 51 year old woman has put herself in the place of the 18 - 23 year old in the book and am totally bawling over the unfairness of life. Thankfully - when I finish I can talk to myself and say it's pitiful. Feeling sorry for myself does me no good. Yes, I understand hard things happen - but I can shake it off and move forward. I don't always think our sweet girls or boys do this. They kind of hunker down in the hormones and waller. Please understand - the comforting blanket of mutual understanding these books bring to our kids, can be a dangerous place. We do not need to let them escape permanently into the realm of books and get lost. It can happen. And generally what happens is they try to live it out in their day to day life. This needs to be constructively nipped. Teach them how to talk to themselves about these books. Teach them how to disassociate themselves from the heroines or heroes in a realistic way. This will actually help them take away the good stuff the book offers and leave the weird stuff, or even the unhealthy stuff behind. Momentary loss of self in books is an amazing thing. But we do need to escape to reality. Our kids can be taught this. It is important.<br />
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As a parent or teacher, we also need to understand what context we are wanting to deliver information to our child or student. That would be our morals, our guide to living well, our religious or social beliefs. Heck yeah we are to set up a network of our teaching that will help our kiddos make it through the middle and high school years and on through college. Know what you believe, construct a scaffold of truths to live by and teach it to your kids. Teaching the love of reading with a good framework in place will lead to balance and healthy self-image. Of course as a teacher in a school, your religious and social beliefs should be yours and kept that way, parents can give their kids that information and of course the kids will make their own choices as they get older. But a good foundation of thinking of others, being aware of their surroundings, being grounded in reality and being kind, is a great point of view to start reading a book.<br />
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I hope this helps with knowing what works for your student to read. I think that knowing your child and their personality will help as well. Your best tool is to know the book to be able to discuss it with them - in a casual manner. Asking questions to get them to form an opinion about how that book relates to them is also a great thing.<br />
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Happy Reading folks!<br />
My first review will be the series of Lux novels by Jennifer L. Armentrout. So be looking for it!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-2341661467206602952018-02-17T12:45:00.004-06:002018-02-17T14:21:49.311-06:00Grace <div class="dc_wt b_clearfix" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: transparent; clear: none; color: #444444; display: block; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,Sans-Serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; height: 50px; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 2px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; visibility: visible; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
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<span style="color: #444444; font-size: medium;"><b>Grace</b> is the<b> unmerited </b>favor of<b> God</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444444; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "segoe ui" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 23.94px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444444; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "segoe ui" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 23.94px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444444; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "segoe ui" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 23.94px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"></span>Grace is the foundation of the Christian faith. Without it, we are lost.<br />
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In my 51 years, I have found it is also a necessity in living a happy life, a fulfilled life. Unfortunately, it is not until recently that I realized how very important it is in moving away from the past. And that I was not applying it rightly.<br />
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There were things that happened in my young adult years that embittered me toward Christians and toward precious friends. I withheld my love and my forgiveness as a protection against a hurt that I could not seem to overcome. I have many times sought to exorcise these nasty hurts by writing about them, but what I ended up doing is perpetuating a hurt and thus extricating myself from these people I loved so dearly. I turned my back on a congregation and a denomination considering it baggage left well behind. But it follows me still. The blessing is that God has given me a better understanding of grace and how it plays a role in my life beyond God's underlying gift that allows me to have fellowship with Him. It is also His way of allowing me to have fellowship with other believers. And though I am sure I knew this in some manner- I did not realize I was not practicing it in my own faith. I never once applied it to the series of events that left me so wounded.<br />
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The fact is, I have always held myself as a victim of the selfishness and lack of love of these friends. Did they know they hurt me? The answer to that is yes and no. I think I made it clear I felt abandoned and unloved by their behavior toward me, but I do not think I let them know how broken I was, because of my own pride. This led to a hardening of myself toward them that caused a callous to form and resentment to build and a painful, unhealed wound underneath that managed to fester and return time and again. I would bandage it up with a false sense of piety that I was right and they were wrong, when all along, I was just as wrong. But I considered all those that so easily moved on past my own misery as disposable. What's more, this sense of being wronged has followed me into my middle age (I hate using "middle aged" - but for lack of better right now - I use it) friendships.<br />
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The fact is - I am immature. Still. But I have matured enough to understand that I was very much a part of their behavior toward me. There were things I did that led to their actions and instead of recognizing that and admitting it at the time, in my sinful pride, I heaped the blame on them and benefitted not one bit, but wallered (that's wallowed y'all) in my own misery. For YEARS.<br />
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So sad. Such a waste of energy and time. And I pushed away new friends in fear of the same thing happening. Not realizing that it was something I actually did have control of. Go figure. And me such a control freak.<br />
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So - this week I reached out to a beloved friend and found the same kindred spirit there. And she was in need. I had the privilege of praying for her and it has filled my heart and spilled over. Miraculously I have love and the desire to place myself (proverbally - please don't make me do it literally Lord) at the feet of these old friends.<br />
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If grace - unmerited favor - is truly a gift, one we have received from God, then it is one we can and should extend - for our own fulfillment.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-80337616646319159222017-10-06T06:48:00.000-05:002017-10-06T16:54:43.140-05:00The Word, The Life, The Light, The LambI love the first chapter of John. It is a passage that is absolutely rich with The Word and why it is so important for us.<br />
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<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+1&version=ESV" target="_blank">John 1 </a><br />
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In this first chapter, we are told that The Word (Christ) has been with us since the beginning of time, that nothing was made without him, that indeed he is The Life and that The Life was The Light of men. He shines in the darkness....AND THE DARKNESS CANNOT OVERCOME IT.<br />
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So Jesus has been part of the picture since the beginning. He was not a backup plan God created to fix a situation that went awry. He was there when God was creating us and this beautiful world. When the whole debacle in the garden happened, God was not surprised. He made a way.<br />
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Enter hundreds of years later - John the Baptist heralding the coming of The Word in flesh. in verse 8 we are told John came to bear witness about The Light.<br />
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It goes on to tell us that Jesus is the true light which gives light to everyone and the world was made through him but did not know him. He came of his own accord to his own people who refused him, but to all who did receive them - he gave the right to become children of God.<br />
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So then and there John (the Apostle - not the Baptist) gives us the reason he wrote the book. To show us The Light. To show us that there is life through understanding. John the Baptist then proclaims Jesus's purpose - The Lamb. "The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world". Then and there God's provision is made known. Christ was sent as a sacrifice to be the ultimate offering for sin. The completer of the plan.<br />
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The Gospel is an amazing thing when we take it in on a daily basis. There is a supernatural lifting of the mind and spirit from a place that is low to a place that is much higher than I can be on my own.<br />
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The Gospel shines a light on our sin - making us aware of our need of a Savior and then actually providing salvation from the eternal death sin brings.<br />
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Jesus is The Word - the explanation for a world that needed vision into their darkness. God provided The Light and thereby the solution which was the ultimate sacrifice of The Lamb of God that brings us - The Life - which is enjoying fellowship with him and his son both now and forever.<br />
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So beautiful. So necessary.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-14845775616336595582017-10-04T06:11:00.000-05:002017-10-05T06:06:40.773-05:00More Gliding - Less SloggingSo a few months ago I said I would revisit what things are needed keep away from what I like to call "slogging".<br />
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Slogging happens when we allow ourselves to get bogged down in the cares of this life.<br />
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For a Christian that generally means putting things ahead of God. It can mean worrying more about what your house looks like than what your soul looks like. For me - it generally means I have taken the reins away from God and am resolved to do it on my own. I like it that way. Problem is - it never works.<br />
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I compare it to my manic depressive episodes. I have never been diagnosed. But I know that I have some naturally occurring highs and lows. My grandmother was definitely manic depressive and I know what it looks like. I wonder if I will land there some day - but - until then I have chosen to deal with it the healthiest way possible. But as usual - I digress. My highs I feel GREAT. I take on everything. I am all things to all people. I am creative and productive and a bubbling, sparkling source of encouragement until I am not. I hit the skids and I stop - full out stop. I let down whatever things I was going to do, I let down my family by backing into a corner and I am no longer the sparkling, bubby thing I was just days before. I drop out of life. I can no longer cope. I can hardly get up to manage my household. I do, and I go to work and I love on my people but I am not my best when I get home. Usually I am the worst - because I have given it all away during the day and have nothing left for my family.<br />
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I have such guilt.<br />
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And I quit volunteering for things. I quit participating in things. Because I feel like such an ass that I just leave people hanging. It is hard to give explanations as to why you have come to a point where you feel you can no longer function. I hate to tell people the whole sordid story. It is embarrassing. Mainly because if you start talking to me and I am honest - I cry. I HATE to cry. Let me just reiterate what I just said...I cannot say it clear enough...I HATE TO CRY. And there for a while it's all I did. And it just made me more miserable. I could not explain it to my husband. I could not explain it to the people who saw me at church. I was sad. Soul wrenchingly sad. And I couldn't really tell you why.<br />
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It has gotten better. Some of it I do believe is nutrition and since I have started drinking Shakeology every day, I find I am better. But I still feel the gentle highs and lows. It is a way of life. I long for the manic times though. I love them. But I can't seem to have them without also having the lows.<br />
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I long for more gliding - less slogging.<br />
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I glide best when I do a few important things:<br />
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Stay in the Word.<br />
Pray without ceasing.<br />
Actively seek to serve others before myself<br />
Separate from negative influences - that's people, media, or things, peeps<br />
Make a plan (that is manage my time well - the HARDEST)<br />
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<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>I said I would revisit these back when I wrote this: <a href="http://pajamamamasouthernstyle.blogspot.com/2017/08/the-sun-rises-rain-falls.html" target="_blank">The Sun Rises, The Rain Falls </a><br />
<br />
So over the next few days I am going to ponder why staying in the Word is so important, and why it seems to relieve me of my tendency to slog.<br />
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<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+13&version=ESV" target="_blank">The Parable of the Sower</a> is my first example of why it is so important to be in God's Word.<br />
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Click the link above to read.<br />
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The Parable of the Sower is a wonderful illustration of why the Word of God is so important. It gives us deep nutrition so when the pressures of life cause us to want to wither and fall away, we stand firm - even flourish. When in the Word we absorb the strength to withstand that pressure. I want the things that I do each day to mean something - to land somewhere and take root and stand whatever thing that comes up against me. God's Word gives me that ability .<br />
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BlessingsUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-26474247688467507962017-10-01T15:56:00.002-05:002017-10-01T17:58:36.054-05:00So Life....It happens - you know it. I know it.<br />
<br />
It is not a bowl of cherries. There is a reason for that. And even as I know this reason, I still struggle with the difficult stuff.<br />
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I have so much to be thankful for. And so many things that absolutely take my breath away - in a good way.<br />
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And then there are the hard things...things that absolutely take my breath away - in a bad way. And I am not thankful. I am - well - I am totally pissed.<br />
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Every day I try to trust and weary not. And to be honest with you this last week I just gave up. I didn't even try. And it was a horrible week. I felt terrible, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I hated my job. I resented my husband and my kids and I wanted to climb into my bed in the fetal position for the first time in maybe 2 years.<br />
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And I sound like a total whiny baby. I'm feeling sorry for myself. I hate that.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQfs9ISRzF7IInOvgDoEh5hBfmOOLOKsQm6D3Va5Udu_8yR8qHCTTjaNMZtnP7U5Ou5UFjR_fHP32MJ3gK9pkHl-wxJNpJgxmMvu4N-kCI8L0URGj_oR1lKhD9asMdb1ZOQrGb70pImaaN/s1600/Lord+Help+Me+.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQfs9ISRzF7IInOvgDoEh5hBfmOOLOKsQm6D3Va5Udu_8yR8qHCTTjaNMZtnP7U5Ou5UFjR_fHP32MJ3gK9pkHl-wxJNpJgxmMvu4N-kCI8L0URGj_oR1lKhD9asMdb1ZOQrGb70pImaaN/s320/Lord+Help+Me+.jpg" width="240" /></a><br />
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<br />
This picture is of a note I had written - maybe three weeks ago? The top part - I had just prayed that God would help me be happy with HIS choices for my life and to trust HIM through good and bad.<br />
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Seriously - not two hours after writing this, sewage backed up into my basement. I was cleaning poop up at 11:00 PM and trying to figure out what to do.<br />
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The part underlined in green is what I wrote after this happened. hahahaha! Seriously - it was funny.<br />
<br />
3 days and $1200 later we get the septic tank and the pipe cleared and we are good again. God totally helped me and I moved on with strength and very little whining.<br />
<br />
A week later I get a call from my brother that Dad has cancer again. This is his 4th bout. I knew it was a possibility. I knew that it could happen. But I was stunned and sad and frankly - at a loss. I prayed. But it was just hitting the ceiling and coming back to me - or it felt that way anyway. That is when I quit doing what I know I need to do. I quit reading my Bible. I quit praying - except in this superficial way (clearly thinking it would do no good). I quit eating right (trying anyway) and I quit exercising. I quit cleaning my house. I quit taking care of my face and hair. Was I depressed? No...really - not. I just felt like it was all useless.<br />
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Now a week later I am coming to see that I am very wrong in my failure to keep on doing what I know I am supposed to do.<br />
<br />
I feel terrible. And worse than that - I feel buried. Like I am behind. And I won't be able to catch up. And my spirit is out of step with God and it is lonesome.<br />
<br />
So I figure there are a couple of things I can do about this. I can allow this to spiral downward - to become an even worse problem. Or I can stop it right here and do what I know to be right.<br />
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So that is what I am going to do.<br />
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I am squaring my shoulders. Making my food plan for the week. Pulling out my notebook that holds my prayer requests and notes on what I am reading and I am going to set my alarm to wake myself at 4:30AM going to bed promptly at 9:00PM so I will get up and exercise, read and take care of my face and hair. And I am going to pursue God while I help others and pray fervently for Dad and call Mom and encourage her and I will do it all through the strength of God.<br />
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Because - I cannot.<br />
<br />
Without God I cannot.<br />
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No matter how many times I square my shoulders and pull out my notebook and make my plans...I will always plummet to the "vanity of vanities - all is vanity". Useless. It is all useless.<br />
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Except for - the one who called me is faithful - and<br />
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<span class="bible-item-title-wrap"><a class="bible-item-title" href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians+1%3A6&version=ESV">Philippians 1:6</a> <a class="bible-item-fullchapter" href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians+1&version=ESV">[Full Chapter]</a></span><br />
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<b>A</b>nd I <b>a</b>m sure of this, that <b>he</b> <b>who</b> <b>began</b> <b>a</b> <b>good</b> <b>work</b> in you will bring it to completion <b>a</b>t the day of Jesus Christ. </div>
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This is where I must lay my burden. Because without Christ - it truly is useless. And he will be faithful to complete what he began in me. This life that knocks the life out of me is HIS. I cannot manage it. I try. Lord knows I do. But He doesn't want me to. He wants me to live it through Him. </div>
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He reminds me every day. </div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br />I have to believe it and do it. The strength will be there when I need it...and it will be there for you too when you need it.<br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"><i><br />Blessings</i></span><br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-73925045342633864242017-08-02T08:41:00.001-05:002017-08-02T08:41:16.908-05:00The Sun Rises the Rain Falls...There is a battle I face every day. The older I get, the more aware of it I become. The difficulties, the triumphs I have always absorbed as my own. I use the term oxymoronic SO much these days. I am an earthly vessel full of opposing forces.<br />
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Social media has made me more aware of the difficulties and the triumphs in so many people's lives. I have taken this information and found myself lacking, thankful - and even prideful. Once again - absorbing it all as my own. <br />
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But by God's grace this summer, my thought processes have taken a new direction.<br />
<br />
I have grieved over children sleeping on dirt floors and their little tummies clenching in hunger. I have also been grateful that my own are not in such a place. I have been jealous of people and their amazing ability to go and do and see. And a little perplexed at my own inability to. I have been proud of my abilities and my children's abilities and have bragged ad nauseum. Sometimes it was subtle...sometimes not so much.<br />
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But what has been going through my head consistently lately is this verse:<br />
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<b><span class="passage-display-bcv">Matthew 5: 43-45</span><span class="passage-display-version"> (NIV)</span></b><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NIV-23280"><span class="woj"><span class="text Matt-5-44" id="en-NIV-23279"><span class="woj"><span class="text Matt-5-43"><span class="woj"><b><sup class="versenum">43 </sup>“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy'</b>.</span></span><b><sup>44 </sup>But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you</b> </span></span><b><sup>45 </sup>that you may be children<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23280A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23280A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup> of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."</b></span></span><br />
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These verses come from The Sermon on the Mount - the famous Beatitudes. <br />
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It is nothing that these children have done that have placed them in need; it is nothing that I have done that has placed me in a better situation than them. It is nothing my friends have done that have placed them in a better situation than me. It is neither because I am deserving or undeserving that I have more than some - less than others. It is a world condition.<br />
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My response to this will be productive - or unproductive.<br />
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By the Holy Spirit's guidance, I have come to the conclusion that there are things in my reach that I can do to find a balance between all of these things. Will it solve my pride, my jealousy, my envy, my less than lovely ways? No...those things will be a fight for the rest of the time I have on this earth. I will always have to reposition myself before God and confess these icks. But instead of wallering (that's wallowing y'all) I will focus on what I can do each day to serve God and others well. I have to break it down because I get easily overwhelmed but I see things that need to be done to serve where I am. And it keeps me balanced.<br />
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Simplified the list is:<br />
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Stay in the Word.<br />
Pray without ceasing.<br />
Actively seek to serve others before myself<br />
Separate from negative influences - that's people, media, or things, peeps<br />
Make a plan<br />
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I am aware that my acronym spells out spasm...which is unfortunate in some respects....but maybe by practicing these things I can make it like a spasm eventually...something that occurs involuntarily. <br />
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Over the next few weeks, I hope to visit each one of the above practices in depth to flesh out what they will look like in my life.<br />
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I have been working to create a brand this summer: several streams of income that will serve my family while we are in these expensive college years, while also allowing me to pursue what I feel God has called me to. I love to write. I love to create. I love to help others. PajamaMama has been the kernel of an idea that - God willing - will grow to serve God, my family and others well. I am constantly having to find a balance between the now and not yet, the why's and why nots, God's will or not. It can be a little confusing.<br />
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I suppose the one thing I can take from this is that nothing is firm save Jesus. He is the foundation on which I will SEEK to lay each one of the blocks of my efforts. My dependence is on Christ alone. And I will constantly have to give my own independence over to HIM. This is another thing that has been part of this summer. Learning that it is not all on me. It is a blessed safe haven to be relieved of the burdens I have placed upon myself. I will just keep walking and placing my foot through the door that is open to me. My security lies in the fact that if I stay in the Word and prayer, that anything that happens will lead me closer to God. This is indeed an exciting journey! <br />
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<br /><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-68314084552835440792017-07-21T12:04:00.000-05:002017-07-21T16:29:03.114-05:00What I have learned this summer...I have learned a lot this summer.<br />
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I have learned -again- that I am indeed a sinner that is prone to wander no matter the circumstances. It is exhausting when I try to live in my own strength. I just cannot do it. Well...graciously...really - it's just a train wreck.<br />
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I have learned that my best feature is my faith. Believe it or not - though my faith is weak - I tend to believe things that many doubt. This faith that is given to me, and to every human on this earth is a gift from God. My faith has been placed in many wrong things over the years, causing me to falter and fall. I have placed my faith in friends, money, my own abilities - and every single one of those things have let me down at one point or another. I have let it cause me to be bitter and drag around a burden that was not meant for me to carry.<br />
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God has something better.<br />
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I have learned that my boys - all three of them - in spite of me, have grown into young men that I am incredibly proud of. How did this happen? The grace of God. There is nothing in me that can make these boys be what they need to be. Can I help? Yes. And I should. Am I perfect? Sadly no. But if you read all of the articles that are posted on Facebook and circulating the web, you would think it was all up to us and the amount of TV and sugar and devices we do or don't let our kids indulge in. But it is not.<br />
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Of course there are things we need to do to raise our children well and we try to give them the tools they need to be successful. In the end though my trust has to be in God and not in anything I can give them. They are a work of the divine hand of God working through me to make them what He needs them to be.<br />
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I have learned that kids are kids. They are not always a reflection of what I am, or what I have taught them...and yet - they are. One of the most encouraging things I have come to understand over the years is that kids will grow out of the stupid things they say. The first set of students I discipled said and did some stupid things sometimes. I didn't worry about it at the time - #1 they weren't my children #2 I was also very young. But I heard adults that were leaders in the church say some things that I found wounded me, and would certainly hurt these kids we worked so hard to support in their journey to know God. What I have come to understand as an adult is that I cannot allow myself to think less of these kids because of what they say now. I have thought the same things as an adult about my own children, and other students I work with, that if voiced out loud could be hurtful. But God has allowed me to see those kids I disciple 20 + years ago that said stupid things, grow up into amazing adults that have poured themselves into other students and their own children - full of the GRACE of God. These kids I work with at the high school now (my own babies included) will grow up and start doing and saying stupid things less. I say less because I still say and do stupid things. I will not judge. When I think, "What a bonehead", I immediately follow it up with, "thank God they will grow out of it". And I mean it. And most of them will - due to God's grace and maybe even God's grace through me - so it causes me to "not grow weary in well doing" (Gal. 6:9). <br />
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I have learned that I can trust God each day to take care of my needs. When I purposefully make the decision to...and I have to do it minute by minute on some days, because my control fer-REAK ways want to run in and do what I think is best. God has protected me from myself...sometimes in ways that actually scared me more for a night as I wrestled over why this way wouldn't work. I woke up with faith that GOD had this. I had been given the solution to my worries and that was to trust God day by day, moment by moment.<br />
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And I will need this. I will have to remind myself of this - over and over again this year because...I have twin boys that are seniors and they are uncertain where they want to go. And I want to know now. I want the finances ironed out now and I want not to have to think about it anymore.<br />
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But that is not how God has chosen to work this scenario out...so wait I must.<br />
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<span class="bible-item-title-wrap"><a class="bible-item-title" href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah+40%3A31&version=KJV">Isaiah 40:31</a> <a class="bible-item-fullchapter" href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah+40&version=KJV">[Full Chapter]</a></span><br />
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But <b>the</b>y that <b>wait</b> <b>upon</b> <b>the</b> <span class="small-caps"><b>Lord</b></span> shall renew <b>the</b>ir strength; <b>the</b>y shall mount up with wings as eagles; <b>the</b>y shall run, and not be weary; and <b>the</b>y shall walk, and not faint. </div>
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I am counting on this. </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-13119702984335182272017-07-04T09:59:00.004-05:002017-07-06T07:03:13.773-05:00IndependenceSo coming up on Independence Day 2017 I have been thinking.<br />
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Independence is a glorious thing. Our nation is founded on a rich history of a people who desired to be independent and make a nation based on freedom. I love the 4th of July. I find that it causes me to value my freedom even more. We are a blessed nation. Sadly, many times<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi73tfXWZ7bB-CYBldtQXMMO3036g1yphI7b_8pUtyfW80nuWXbhMNR0mOaDRBh-9PqdEssjxh5MJU7K4H5D03lZZSy3EKE8pfxa9iAc_vh7AVLKUwxReP0_9970QZlY6ymfVGTrMsxw4dj/s1600/Flag.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi73tfXWZ7bB-CYBldtQXMMO3036g1yphI7b_8pUtyfW80nuWXbhMNR0mOaDRBh-9PqdEssjxh5MJU7K4H5D03lZZSy3EKE8pfxa9iAc_vh7AVLKUwxReP0_9970QZlY6ymfVGTrMsxw4dj/s1600/Flag.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="337" data-original-width="600" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi73tfXWZ7bB-CYBldtQXMMO3036g1yphI7b_8pUtyfW80nuWXbhMNR0mOaDRBh-9PqdEssjxh5MJU7K4H5D03lZZSy3EKE8pfxa9iAc_vh7AVLKUwxReP0_9970QZlY6ymfVGTrMsxw4dj/s320/Flag.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a>we do not realize it. Our freedoms cause us to distance ourselves instead of being bound together through our patriotism. We have become a nation divided by our points of view, thinking that our own opinion means more than someone else's.<br />
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So sad. Heartbreaking. We are a people that should be united through our diversity. It is what makes this country unique.<br />
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But - that kind of freedom is not what I am thinking of this morning.<br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br />
My own independence is what I am thinking about. I am a stubborn little so and so when it comes to doing it my way. I am like a two year old - I want to do it all by myself.<br />
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My struggle for independence will continually be a sin I have to ask forgiveness for.<br />
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It comes from a heart that doesn't fully comprehend how bad I really am. My stance before Christ is generally one of - "I got this". It makes me feel accomplished. Whole. Invincible. Proud of my abilities. I am woman, hear me roar and all that stuff.<br />
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I have a thing - probably deep in my genes - the desire of my forefathers to be self-sustaining. I think the reason I love The Walking Dead so much is how they have to become self-sustaining in a world that no longer has rules. Or grocery stores. I love the ingenuity the end of times seems to bring out in people. Thank the LORD that it is just a show though.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi73tfXWZ7bB-CYBldtQXMMO3036g1yphI7b_8pUtyfW80nuWXbhMNR0mOaDRBh-9PqdEssjxh5MJU7K4H5D03lZZSy3EKE8pfxa9iAc_vh7AVLKUwxReP0_9970QZlY6ymfVGTrMsxw4dj/s1600/Flag.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><br />
I have issues. I admit it.<br />
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When I look back at the many times I have taken on things and done them without relying on my Heavenly Father, I can see how I made a mess of things. I do have regrets - and yet - I will always revert back to "I GOT THIS".<br />
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I am a fool.<br />
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I desperately want to be the best I can be because of me. I don't want to rely on God. Or my husband. Or anyone. I want to be fulfilled through the brilliance of me. Sadly, I cannot be what I need to be. I have proven, as I said before, time and time again that my own decision making paradigm is sadly off kilter.<br />
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My own accomplishments are better seated when built on the foundation of Christ and His wisdom. So this is a battle I will fight the rest of my life. I will wake up, ask God to give me the strength to depend on Him and to rely on His leading. Will I do it every day? Nope. Will I try? Yes! I will continue to build those faith muscles by continuing to turn my eyes on Jesus.<br />
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Otherwise I am doomed to one big, bad conundrum after another.<br />
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And no one wants that.<br />
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Happy Independence Day! ;)<br />
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<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+25&version=NIV" target="_blank">PSALM 25</a><br />
<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">1 </span></sup>In you, <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> my God,<br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-25-1">I put my trust.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14253A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14253A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup></span></span><br />
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<span class="text Ps-25-2" id="en-NIV-14254"><sup class="versenum">2 </sup>I trust in you;<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14254B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14254B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-25-2">do not let me be put to shame,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-25-2">nor let my enemies triumph over me.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-25-3" id="en-NIV-14255"><sup class="versenum">3 </sup>No one who hopes in you</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-25-3">will ever be put to shame,<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14255C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14255C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup></span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-25-3">but shame will come on those</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-25-3">who are treacherous<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14255D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14255D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup> without cause.</span></span></div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-32177032742167350712017-07-03T10:36:00.000-05:002017-07-04T09:16:01.148-05:00Overwhelmed[original posting August 2016]<br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So the summer - not the heat and the sun - but the fun of freedom and the knowledge that you can sleep late if you want to...well that is all coming to an end. School starts for me next week. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The blessing of knowing I love what I do, where I work and the people I work with is a comfort. So I am happy to go back. But I also mourn the idea of what I wanted to happen didn't really happen. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I wanted to accomplish SO much more. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But of course life, being what it is - things happened that caused some detours. But all in all it was a good summer. I think part of the problem is I am trying to learn how to break the list of things down in my head. I am 50. I should already know how to do that right? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My list is absolutely overwhelming. And instead of compartmentalizing and breaking it down in to doable moments, the myriad of things to do fly through my brain in the early morning hours and cause me to want to disconnect. If I don't find a way to refocus and funnel those thoughts through a filter that allows me to focus, I end up watching TV or getting on Facebook. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">That will not do. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I make lists of everything I need to do. In the morning I have learned to take the list and break it down to things I can accomplish that day. I place them in my Reminders for the day (in my iPhone). My reminder comes up at about 8:00. I then check off what I got done. It is highly satisfying. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Also - did you know that exercise helps you focus better? It can take care of some of this adult onset ADD I have acquired here in my 2nd half century.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have found that planning - as much as I hate it - helps me be a much more productive person. That means planning meals, planning my exercise, planning my activities for the day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This also helps me with depression. This is nothing new. Exercise, nutrition and being fairly organized can help me manage my depression very well.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I do give myself a day off. Sundays are off the table. I go to church, worship with my brothers and sisters - my fellow body of believers and I make lunch. The rest of the day is mine. I can lay on the couch and watch old movies or whatever. I have asked my 4 boys to let me have this day. They have kindly agreed. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I would love ideas to help me stay on track. What do you do to keep from being inundated by the dailies? </span><br />
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<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-37930048661580237732017-03-28T08:55:00.000-05:002017-03-28T09:03:22.541-05:00I only thought I was laid back....Not so much. I have a deep seated need to<br />
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CONTROL THINGS<br />
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I am a control freak. I want to keep it all under my thumb. And I find that I am under major stress when I cannot do so. And the inner turmoil overflows and goes out to anyone who crosses my path. This is not the pretty me. This is the needy, whiny, annoying me. I do not like that particular part of me. I have been a closet control freak up until the last year. <br />
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It has gotten so much worse. <br />
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Example: A few weeks ago my boys had MPA's (music assessments) that they missed a half a day for. That night they went to Disney with the band and missed Thursday and Friday of school, got home Sunday morning at 6:00 AM and had to go to the school's musical practice which would open the following Friday night. They had practice every night from 3:30 - 9:30. They were tired. They were overwhelmed with work they had missed. They have 2 AP courses a piece plus honor band weekends coming up...and another ACT test. Not to mention it was the end of the quarter and one of them had a letter grade I cannot even say out loud. And to those of you who read this who were part of it - and heard my freakish tirades - please forgive me. <br />
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I was a mess. Of course I was sorry for them. This is too much for them to bear! Mama was going crazy. I voiced my fears to the assistant principal. Then to the band director. And pretty much to everyone who would listen to me. I was about to have a nervous breakdown. I wanted to fix it all. Give them more time. Move the musical (ha - as if). I wanted to blame people. It was all so unfair! <br />
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I had sound advice. This is good for them. Great life lesson. Life will be packed and they will have to put their nose to the grind stone and slug it out...yes - I heard it all. I felt I knew these things, but it didn't help. I was a wreck that week. <br />
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They did great. Yes it was hard. Yes they were exhausted. They recovered. All that energy I spent - the angst. Not to mention making myself look like a blooming idiot to all of the people I admired and respected. So ridiculous! <br />
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Oh well. <br />
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Lesson learned. <br />
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It was good for them. They managed just fine and I came through - somewhat smarter for the experience. <br />
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Since then, upon occasion I have reflected on my maniacal behavior. I have never considered myself a control freak. I am not a helicopter mom. I tend to be fairly laid back. That has all changed lately. I would like to say it is menopause. But though I understand that can in fact make you crazy, I do not believe that is what is happening here. <br />
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This may seem like a digression - but stay with me - I have a point <br />
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I see the Pampers commercials. The one where the mom is holding her newborn and kissing those sweet little rosebud lips and so emotional - the sweet feet and hands. I tear up. Every time. That is by far my favorite era of life so far. Being home with my babies. I poured myself into them. I loved them so well. And they loved me well. It is my favorite job to date. If I could go do it all again I would: the all night up with gas, the weaning from passies, the potty training. I would gladly go back and do it all again. I would fight harder to stay home with my youngest. I missed a lot of those moments in having to start work. But all of that to say my little world was safe. I controlled it. I tried going out with girlfriends initially, but with the feeding of the tiny two, and being they were in fact - tatty babies - and would not take the bottle - yep - all on me - the control freakishness was there - I just didn't define it that way. They woke up at 5:30AM went back down for nap at 8:00AM woke up for lunch and play time 10:30 - 11ish and then went back down at 2:00PM - slept until around 4:00 woke up for dinner and playtime with daddy and back down at 7:30PM. And that is probably why I would go back and do it all over. They were such good sleepers! They were so funny! But I protected that world. I knew it was just a short period of time I would have them that way. I loved every minute of it. Now anyway. It was so worth all the hard things. <br />
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As they have gotten older it was not too terribly bad up until the last couple of years. Their friends I didn't know the moms of, having to make decisions on whether to let them go do things that were new. And then when they all started driving I noticed a new cray cray feeling going on inside of me. I no longer entered into the equation once they left the house. It was all on them. What I had poured into them I had to trust was going to keep them safe while they were out. When they started dating (oh Dear Lord help me - and He does), I had to put their hearts in my Father's hands. And it happened, a broken heart. And he lived. He thrived - amazingly enough - with very little of my input. I prayed as they left that every cautionary tale and life lesson would prick their consciences when they left in that car. <br />
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Excruciating. <br />
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And things happened to their friends. One died in a car accident coming home late one night. So many things that I pray over. And over. And over. Keep them safe. Bring them home to me. <br />
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Deep breath. I read the blog about putting the basket in the water. I know the trust I have to place in God each time my babies go out that no matter what happens I will have grace to deal with it. <br />
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(If you haven't read it - you should - go <a href="https://bridgechristian.wordpress.com/2016/07/05/putting-the-basket-in-the-water-trusting-god-in-the-next-phase-of-your-childs-life/" target="_blank">HERE</a>)<br />
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And beyond that - it is not about the kids. My husband lost his job due to the economical climate about 8 years ago - maybe more now. That rocked my world too. That is when I started having to work and it was a dark time in my life. The security I felt in my controlled world was so messed up. <br />
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9/11 - was the first time I felt unsafe. Really unsafe. I remember dealing with that because my world got rocked and I could not FIX it. I can fix most things. As time goes by - I realize I cannot fix everything. And it is hard on me. Because I want to. Desperately. <br />
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So my prayer has become more along the lines of trusting God in all things. To BELIEVE that even the hard things I will be able to cope. I pray that I can be confident in this as things move forward. I pray that I will not spew my crazy all over the place when I am placed in a pressureful situation (yes I know pressureful is not a word- it should be). Even beyond that, that my faith will grow so that I do not have crazy to spew all over the place. <br />
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I am not as laid back as I once thought. I think that has been more about containing my worry and keeping it to myself - because I am indeed a control freak and my little world, which contains my husband, my babies - and my extended family and close friends, cannot be controlled. And the more I see it, the more I writhe against the inability to change some things. <br />
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But I cannot. <br />
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And with that - I have to lay that dern basket in the water. Again. And again. And Again. <br />
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<div class="bible-item-title-wrap col-sm-3">
<a class="bible-item-title" href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews+2:13&version=ESV">Hebrews 2:13</a></div>
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And again, “I will put my <b>trust</b> in him.” And again, “Behold, I and the children God has given me.”</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3176080380198243972.post-7056967615917291622016-12-17T17:59:00.000-06:002016-12-17T18:09:02.749-06:00Can a 50 Year Old Wear a Bralette? I posed this question to my 26 year old friend. She gave me that "uhhhh no" answer. I asked another young friend of mine about dyeing my hair blue...and she told me that I would do better with red. Something about me not being able to "rock it". <br />
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So ok. I understand there is a point where one should stop chasing trendy and kind of settle into a classic ageless look. Which just KILLS me. <br />
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I wear Converse. Always have...and I probably always will. <br />
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I have pondered my how old is to old question now for just about everything. And I must tell you that I am still in a quandary about it. I feel I should be able to wear a bralette in a way that is in good taste. I think I can rock it...and the blue hair quite frankly. <br />
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I am kind of tired of questioning what I should and shouldn't wear. I have bangs. I have my whole life. Do I really have to get rid of them? I think they may be too young for me, but I cannot imagine myself without them. But I have seen older women that wear their hair in styles that look too young for them and clothes that look too young for them. I don't want to be that person. <br />
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So - should I listen to my sweet young friends and avoid the bralettes and blue hair? How do I balance my love of some things and my desire to be balanced and realistic in my choices now that I have hit the half century mark?<br />
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I would love someone to shed a little light on this subject. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0