We are WAY too aware of ourselves....and we think we are WAY too important. And WAY too clever....and that our opinion is worth something.
I know. I am the same exact way.
I do believe that there has been a bit of a maturing process for me in the last few years though.
I think...I HOPE....
I have come to my blog proclaiming my irritation with trying to keep up with all of the folks that proclaim their greatness via various venues (love that alliteration). But I must say I was one of those people. Back in the day...2 maybe three years ago...and would have been prior to that had I all of the social media available to me then. I was a pro at it all...breast feeding, disciplining, balanced diets for 3 babies 3 and under....I had it under control. And I would tell you so.
But it was all I did. I did not have to publish this stuff. I did not have to post pictures of what all we were doing. I wore the baby puke like a brooch. But I was kind of old when I had the babies. I was ready to stay at home and waller in my babies and whatever they produced. I learned fast that my world was no longer mine - but theirs. And I was okay with it. I loved it. I was thankful for it. I knew my limits. Trying to do choir and music team at church proved too much for me even. So I hunkered down and enjoyed the ride. But baby - had I the means - I would have proclaimed to you how good I was at what I did.
I thought things would get even easier as the boys got older. Not really easier - actually a little harder. I have young people. What I have found is that tweenies and teens prior to driving, have social lives and school requirements that keep me on the road and with my hands full pretty much every day. Plus I started working full time knowing that in a few short years they would be in college and the activities that are preparing them for college can be expensive...especially when you have three about the same age. AND I am dealing with hormones - mine leaving me and their's ramping up. I have to work HARD at saying NO so that I can be home to take care of my husband and my home - and stay somewhat organized. There are days I am swamped with my expectations and their expectations and other's expectations and I panic. I am overwhelmed and I run.
Where I run is either my salvation or my undoing.
If I run to the television, or my books or social media....I find I am only putting off the inevitable break down that will leave me in the bed for a weekend. Honest truth.
But when I run to my heavenly father, I find rest and peace.
I have found that thanking God in the midst of my over-whelm-ed-ness....seems to pull my act together...knots the frayed ends and draws my scattered vision upward. In sitting on my couch being still after reading his Word I find rest. I am encouraged and my tank is filled. By lifting my voice to God I am pulled together and made whole again...
What is it we expect? I think back before all of the social media expectations were a lot less than they are now. There was a simplicity to the job of "mom" and "wife". Mainly because we were the ones that defined it for ourselves. I did not feel the pressure I do now.
I will be the first one to tell you that I do not do it right. I just do it by the grace of God....and I can trust that it is sufficient. That is just pure wisdom given by God. I am not all that and a bag of chips. But I can do this - through Christ who strengthens me. So very thankful.
Matthew 11:
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
ReplyDeleteI have just happened on your blog.. I see all the indecisions and the wishes that everything would work out perfectly, but of course in life, nothing really does work out that perfectly!! I admire your way of writing, and its true and stark... I did find that coping with rearing five young people, all delivered by me with their one father.. was a blur and a wish and a prayer that it would turn out all right in the end** #Well, it did, despite a heartbreak or two along the way. They have all turned out well and three of them already have their own teeneagers plus! There are no books that actually tell you, that we are ALL flying by the seat of our pants... no matter how many books you read telling you the how and whys of lving with kids... each family is unique, and your certainly would be relevant to you and your kids.. you know them the best, even better than doctors! So, carry o n blogging, you don't have to put photos, or designs or anything... just relate it as it happens to you, that's what I do.. in the beginning I had loads to say, but now, from time to time I REALLY have something to get off my chest... so here's to you, kid, hope I get to read more blogs from you!!!