I am inundated daily (as are you) with what I should do, what I shouldn't do, how I should handle my children, my household, my media watching, my political beliefs....it's exhausting. And quite frankly my reactions are exhausting. I am either guilt ridden, wistful, jealous, encouraged, angry, disgusted, but mostly just overwhelmed. Like a sponge I have absorbed as much as I can. I have become bacteria infested and need desperately to detox. We live in a world of amazingly creative and talented people. The web is the perfect vehicle to make yourself a star. Even on a small scale one can become quite overly impressed with oneself. I do it all the time - and I am not even close to being as accomplished as some of these women are.
I have processed these things incorrectly somehow. It is a problem - for me anyway. And I have a feeling it is for a lot of women.
What has been happening lately is I have been shutting down. All the label reading, organic food searching, natural cleaning supply using, beautiful home pictures, creative meals and gracious! the list goes on - has caused me to sit stunned on the couch. Watching post apocalyptic movies. Those are my favorite right now. The end of the world scenario is quite attractive for some strange reason. I love a good dystopian society Hollywood style.
But that can't go on. School starts back in a week. My house needs to be cleaned. Planning on how to stock canned foods and things that will last when this world finally implodes is losing it's flavor now. I have to get back to reality. Not Facebook reality. Which is really not reality. But God's reality for this world. Ultimately what it comes down to is that I am broken. I am a control freak that has burned out. I want it done my way. If I see someone else do it better than me, then I burn. And if you have read my previous blog posts you know I am very competitive. This. Has. To. Stop.
So
- Nip the media in the bud (as Barney Fife says ). I think I shall use Facebook as what I originally intended it for, which is for friends and family that are far away to know how we are doing and for checking in on them. I may post my blog entries there - but I am thinking I might not even do that. I will not go to Pinterest unless I cannot come up with something on my own. That is rare if I give myself a chance. I will not keep comparing myself to these amazing mavens of all things creative. It depresses me. God did not make me the endless energy-can't sit still to save my life so my productivity is through the roof- kind of gal. I have a few things on the to do list and then I am happy to sit with the family doing whatever. Or even daydreaming staring out the window. That is great big fun. Although it can lead to some crazy ideas...I should probably keep that to a minimum as well.
- Exercise. I hate it. It hates me. But I need it to stay healthy. My best plan is to make it simple and keep it doable. No P90X for me. I think I shall ride the elliptical for 20 minutes a day. I can switch it up every other day by taking Pistol Pete for a walk. Or maybe do my masala bhangra DVD - which is fun AND if I ever go to an Indian Wedding I will be ready to throw down.
- My boys. Ah my boys. Precious hearted stinkers that they are. They are exactly what I asked for which makes them a handful. I love me some mischievous kids and I got them. But after talking to my neighbor who raised two sets of twins - one set girls the other boys - the answer is keep them working. And I shall. I need help. Why else have kids if they can't help you work the land for Pete's sake? There will be belly aching. But I'm used to it. It should be a walk in the park. I will take a deep breath and walk away when it is not like I would do it. I will. Honestly.
- One room a day. Mondays I will do a general cleaning. Saturdays the boys will handle the vacuuming behind the things and baseboards, but each day of the week I will take a room and clean it. Husband (love that he is) has taken on the laundry (I hate it.) And I am thinking that he should teach the boys to do it - they can take turns every day or two. I have found a wonderful website with Crock Pot Recipes - no processed foods that should make meals after work easier.
This is where I start. Hopefully it will help me regain some of my sanity. Getting lost in the hype of all things beautiful is exhausting. I shall just live each day simply and pray I have time to do what God places before me. Whether that be family, friends, new people, artful things...I pray that the over-whelmed-ness I have felt lately will leave me free to serve as I have been called to.
Blessings for the new year to you all.
