Solving the problem...

I know. We worry. I worry.

So much.

Things don't go the way we want. We think, "If this would just happen then everything would be okay".

Plug in: My candidate becomes president then America would prosper. My husband would get a job or get a better paying job, we could finally breathe. My kids would just make the team, they would be happy and that would make me happy - I can't see them be disappointed. My parents health would improve I could finally rest. And the list goes on.

So many things. Important things.

The problem.

I do not know. I do not know what is best. I cannot see the future. I don't even know the right decisions to make over things that don't matter sometimes. And yet, I find myself winding myself up into a fine tizzy. I think we all do it.

The bigger problem:

I think I know. I want to control it all. And I despair when I cannot.

The answer.

Matthew 6:24-34

New International Version (NIV)

²⁴ “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

Do Not Worry

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

It is a blessed relief to read these words and to believe them, accept them and to practice them. I have had moments of actually exercising this small faith of mine and seeing glimpses of the glorious thing it will become. The release and rest that comes from believing God's Word and practising it is a blessing. And one we resist - crazily enough.

I want to tell you a story. It is mine. And I have shared parts of it before, but today, as we prepare for the Thanksgiving Holiday and share our thanks each day for how we are blessed, I am particularly overwhelmed and thankful for how God has worked in my and my family's life this past year.

A year ago I was working a hard job. It was a lot of work and not enough people and I had to make hard decisions every day. I had to put what I could into it and then leave it at the end of the working day and then serve my family. I had to leave my kids by themselves until a certain time every day and it felt wrong. My anxiety levels were through the roof. I had to have a tooth pulled from an abcess that occurred from the constant jaw clenching. I even had to go to the emergency care facility because I thought I was having a heart attack. Turned out it was anxiety attacks. I finally came to a point where I asked God if this was right. Something I had never really asked because the job came so easily to me that I thought it had to be his will. He said no. He said leave it. I tried to stay because I was scared. We needed that job. I thought. I finally obeyed and - peace and provision were ours.

Shortly after leaving, I was having lunch with a friend and I confided in her that my greatest fear after leaving that job was my husband losing his. It was something I thought I could not handle.

A few short weeks later he walked through the door and he told me, he was sorry. His job was gone.

Seriously. It felt like a dream. No way. I rejected it. I felt the horrible panic and what felt like my life falling apart all in the matter of about a minute. My reaction to him was ugly. It shames me to remember instead of showing faith and confidence, I pushed him away.

But within an hour, I felt something that was not of me, pass through me. I accepted the fact that we were where I thought I could not live and I was still living. God instilled the vision of a moment by moment grace. I thought about what was the worst that could happen. We could lose the house, we might have to live with family, it could be humbling, embarrassing even at times. This was not unbearable to me. I did have to disengage the control freak within me, but when I locked that beast up, I felt I could take the next step. And I did, along with my family, holding onto the hand of God.

And I spoke to God. And he brought me to the scripture. And I listened. He gave me the understanding and the ability to say when I felt the panic rising, "We have everything we NEED". He even gave me the ability to be thankful, "Thank you Lord for giving us everything we need for today". And I would wake up the next day and do it all again.

Interview after interview...several times there would be three interviews and my very capable, experienced and certification laden husband would find that he did not get the job. Questions? I had them. But the Spirit would prompt me with remembering to stop my imagination and to be grateful for everything we had. And our provision was overwhelming. Money - a huge amount given from a young couple that had a limited income and a new baby. Humbling? Yes. Encouraging? So very! We tried not to accept it but were reprimanded by them for not accepting what they freely gave. We were overwhelmingly provided for. Gift cards and prayers - the most amazing, heart lifting, unbelievably, generous folks gave. And they taught me what my response should be. Gratitude. Following their example. Trust. Greater faith. My heart is about to bust just recounting it all.

Five months later, I am working pretty steadily. I am substitute teaching in as many Special Education classrooms I can as a teacher's aid. I love it. It energizes me. And I am asking God to provide me with a teacher's aid position so that I can be there every day. I come home and am here with my boys the same time they are. I will be home with them in the summer. My husband just got contract work and is making a very good salary. It is not permanent. But it is through the holidays and I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

Worry? Worry is an absolute waste of time.

Matthew 6:  ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

It is true. I am a different person. I know I will always struggle with worry. But I am so grateful for this experience and seeing how God has provided through friends and family. I felt the prayers, and love and am thrilled to have learned so much from the precious generosity - sacrificial generosity of others and it makes me want to do the same.

My heart is full. I pray that God will continue to grow my family and I. I pray that we will give generously in return and find ways to serve others.

I pray that my fellow believers will find the peace in the midst of difficult times. That we will trust moment by moment in God's provision, for our families, our friends and our government. I do pray we will humble ourselves and pray for others...especially our leaders. And that we will learn to trust and give control to the One who knows.

It will always be an issue - worry - but we do not have to. I hope we learn to live more often than not without it.