Mirror, Mirror

I had a conversation with a sweet sister a few weeks ago. And in that conversation I said something that upon reflection I think it is sort of a belated epiphany.

I am secure in my place as a daughter of the King. Now anyway. My heavenly Father loves me and there is no doubt that I am secure in that. I have struggled with this before though...for years. And it has come across in my behavior and my relationships. I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to look perfect, to be admired, to be the best at whatever I put my hand to...and when I was not, it caused a horrible desperation inside of me. I was needy and would lash out at whatever made me feel insecure.

But during the last couple of years, my heavenly Father has assured me time and time again that no matter what state I am in, I am well loved. I am cared for. I am provided for. I have never been more secure.

As my sister in Christ and I were chatting I said, "If I never saw a mirror again, I would be great".

I am not talking about slovenliness, never taking showers, or giving a rats petoot about what I look like. I mean - by not seeing myself I am quite content with the physical me. I do not worry about my hair or my makeup or that zit that popped up on my chin unbeknownst to me that would cause serious mayhem if I see it in the mirror.

I love that without a mirror I think I am quite lovely. I see myself as I did when I was 19. When I happen to see a mirror or a picture I am always slightly shocked at the 46 year old looking back at me.

But most happily, what I have found lately is, when I am most content with my Lord - I am most content with me and all of my foibles and oddities. It is a lovely thing....the mirror is no longer of consequence.

Of course the mirror is a good thing, as long as I am not obsessing and using it to determine my value. That is a total waste of time.

I am thankful for my epiphany because I realize that I am finally (for now) free of that bondage to the mirror and my previous burden of what I think I should be.

If you have had a similar experience let me know how you handle it. I would love to hear how you manage the hurdles that come to us all. Have a happy weekend and God bless!