The future worries me. My children and my choices for them and the choices I allow them to make worry me. I am not doing it right right now. That worries me. I am thinking too much right now and that really worries me. My husband's choices worry me and the choices I allow him to make are worrying me (that really is tongue in cheek).
Speculation
The culprit.
Seriously, speculating is a worrisome thing.
spec·u·la·tion
[spek-yuh-ley-shuh n]
yəˈleɪ
noun
1.
the contemplation or consideration of some subject: to engage in speculation on humanity's ultimate destiny.
2.
a single instance or process of consideration.
3.
a conclusion or opinion reached by such contemplation: These speculations are impossible to verify.
4.
conjectural consideration of a matter; conjecture or surmise: a report based on speculation rather than facts.
5.
engagement in business transactions involving considerable risk but offering the chance of large gains, especially trading in commodities, stocks, etc., in the hope of profit from changes in the market price.
Numero Tres is the one that is the culprit here.
2 Corinthians 10:4-5
4 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. 5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ....
I truly do not feel stable right now. Some of this may be hormonal. Seriously. And some of it may be that we are still in such a questionable place as far as our future. Of course it is secure. We are just not really sure what it is right now. I have gotten better at not looking too far ahead. But lately - I suck at it.
My weapon must be the word of God. I must cast down imagination and once again take hold of the moment by moment faith that allows me to soar verses bottoming me out. I must take my thoughts into captivity and funnel them through the Word.
Philippians 4:7-9
English Standard Version (ESV)
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
So practically speaking - we have been cared for through some pretty scary times. Nothing has changed. We have everything we need and then some. So thinking on my blessings - thanking God for how he has cared for us. Finding things to do for others and serving them well is my best remedy. Do I want to be away from the precipice that always seems just inches away? Yes I do. But apparently that is not where I flourish spiritually.
My independence is so wounded right now. It aches to be free. I am just like a child that stamps her foot and says, "I want to do it all by myself". God is surely clucking his tongue and saying, "patience - trust me".
Hebrews 13:5-6
English Standard Version (ESV)
5 Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." 6 So we can confidently say,
"The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear;
what can man do to me?"
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
So practically speaking - we have been cared for through some pretty scary times. Nothing has changed. We have everything we need and then some. So thinking on my blessings - thanking God for how he has cared for us. Finding things to do for others and serving them well is my best remedy. Do I want to be away from the precipice that always seems just inches away? Yes I do. But apparently that is not where I flourish spiritually.
My independence is so wounded right now. It aches to be free. I am just like a child that stamps her foot and says, "I want to do it all by myself". God is surely clucking his tongue and saying, "patience - trust me".
Hebrews 13:5-6
English Standard Version (ESV)
5 Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." 6 So we can confidently say,
"The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear;
what can man do to me?"
.And so - I once again must trust that God will supply my needs and lay this worry to bed once more. The future is his and I know he loves me. I can exult in the fact that I have gone quite some time without having that heinous thing tracking me like a hound dog - this is progress! God is indeed making me a new creature and I suppose I just have to keep understanding that my nature is flawed and waiting to be perfected. How I pray that the small advances I make glorify God and I look forward to the day when he decides it is time to finish the work he began. It makes me smile.
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Let me know what you think and how you deal with things. I am always looking to do things better!