Portrait of a Lady

Yes, yes - this is a Henry James novel. A novel I am reading presently. I am absolutely captivated by it! As I read it, I find myself comparing and contrasting myself with Isabel Archer Osmond - mainly after she is married. I do not get to know her well until I am halfway through the book. Finally, sister lets her mind be known. She is all generosity and gentility. She is an enigma that draws people in. All the while she is struggling with her past decisions.

I am much too contemplative at times. I see this in Isabel. I have belabored my decision making from the past and have the ghosts of advice given and ignored haunt me at times. Would my life be different? Would it be better? Would it be more fulfilled?

Fact is - doesn't matter. I think Isabel Archer Osmond comes to this conclusion as well. No matter how she has been wounded, no matter what advice she walked away from, no matter how bad her choices may have been - she turns her back on speculation and contents herself with dealing with the present. With living well within the realm of what she has chosen.

She may have well chosen differently and found herself in the same position later. No life is perfect. We content ourselves with the fact that we did the best we could with what we had at the time. I like that she has the gumption to see things for what they really are. She never blamed her misunderstandings on those she misunderstood. They just were. And she contented herself to make the best of it.

I see myself in her when she burns with embarrassment over what she initially thought and what really was. I rally with her when she defends her incorrect conclusions with sound logic. And I am pleased when she settles down to enjoy what freedom she has to live in the choices she made. I see this in so many relationships I have had...in work, ministry and love - whether it be friendship or past beau's. I made mistakes. I lived through them. I am who and what I brought with me through the experiences. I can live well knowing that I am better for them - no matter how painful the experience or how foolish I felt for my naivete.

I am not finished reading the entire book yet. I may have to come back later and ammend my conclusions...but so far, I think this is a lovely book. Some critics claim it is a tragedy. I do not see it that way at all. Life, afterall, is not a fairytale where all live happily ever after. We live spherically and advance the best we can. Life really is what we make it - in all the disappointments and tragedies it can still be a wonderful life. I pray I always strive to make it so.