Focus

I am in a weird place. I am not loving it. I want to be through with this transitional period and be comfortable in my skin again. I hate this shiftiness I feel right now. It is unsettling.

I hate unsettling.

I suppose life is about change. It is not static....and it shouldn't be. It's not meant to be.

Maybe I need medication.

I would love it if all I had to do was take a pill and find my comfort zone. But I think that brings a whole other set of issues.

I am pretty sure I am A.D.D. It might not even be adult onset kind of A.D.D. I may have just always been able to find a way to compensate. But it seems to be getting worse as I get older. I am not managing it all very well the last few months.

I cannot focus on one thing to save my life.

I feel this frenzy of things pulling at me. The house. The kids. The animals. My husband. My job. My own desire to accomplish ideas I have had. I feel my mind shifting from one to the other and then I blow up. I quit and either go to bed, or watch TV. I let something else take over my brain just to get rest from the frantic images in my head that cannot find purchase on one thing.

It makes me sad. I feel wasteful.

Maybe I should go to the doctor.

I hate doctors. Not as people. But I hate all of that attention focused at me. It makes me feel defensive.

It makes me feel defensive because I know I don't take care of myself. There is always something else to do.

Oh goodness. It is probably menopause.

crap

Philippians 4:
⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

This will have to be my go to. This can be overcome.

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

 

2 Corinthians 4:7-9

⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.