I am a list maker....

I am so excited. It is a wonderfully, rumbly, rainy day. I have so much these days inspire me to do. I am so happy because yesterday I was busy doing and helping and I am happy, happy, happy to be at home.

• paper mache' project
• new recipe (and a contest) to try
• reading a book in my reading nook
• old movie I DVR'd

That's my warm and fuzzy list.

 But I have to figure in:

• 3 boys - bored from not being able to go outside. This could mean moment to moment interruptions.
• I bought a new toilet mechanism for my bathroom toilet. It has been running constantly. The flap is no longer working so I really need to change that. This could totally blow the day.
• I want my house clean first. It looks like it exploded because I ran the streets yesterday and did not finish putting anything up
• I really need to paint the bathroom door facings and mirror I finished framing.
• I really need to paint the ceiling in the living room
• I also need to sit and think about what I want to replace the bathroom flooring and hallway flooring with. I cannot make up my mind and I need to make a decision SOON.
• There are two baskets of clothing I have put off folding
• One load (okay maybe 2) that need to be washed.
• The kitchen shelving has been pointedly asking me to take things down and dust and wipe and repaper. Especially that stuff around the top of the cabinets that gets that fine greasy film covered in dust. Lovely.
• I also wanted to take the kitchen curtains down and wash them.
• The comforter on my bed? Not sure how to tackle it. Where is the tag with the directions for cleaning? Did I cut it OFF?

And sadly - that list is longer. I made myself stop because I was starting to feel the beginnings of a panic attack.

Suddenly my warm and fuzzy list is blurry and distant. I am also sadly - overwhelmed.

Reality requires me to pick and choose from each of the lists above.

As my aunt always told me, "Life is so....daily".

Of course it doesn't have to be a complete wash. My initial reaction is to throw up my hands and find a way to distract myself with things not even on my list - like browsing Facebook to see what my friends are doing, and then playing some Candy Crush because my lives are back and I know I can get through level 32 if I can just get a break. Three stars baby. Can't move on until I have three stars. I avoid Pinterest like the plague because that only leads to more guilt.

But what a waste.
Precious time spent accomplishing nothing spectacular.

If this day is to be done well, I must consider the reality list and do what I can on that one. And then stop and do one thing on the fuzzy list. Maybe two if I am lucky.

Waiting for a sunny day is best for the ceiling. My 47 year old eyes are struggling to see well on darker days. So that can wait until tomorrow. The kitchen shelving is a whole day project. And I don't have shelving paper, so I will wait until I have what I need on that one. The toilet needs to be tended. So that is on the list. I will put away the stuff all over the house and vacuum and dust. Once I finish the toilet I can fold clothes while I watch the old movie. The wash can be done in between all of that. I will worry about the comforter tomorrow. Kitchen curtains will come when I attack the shelving. The bathroom and hallway flooring I will look into tonight when the husband is home. As far as the kids are concerned. They will help me pick up the house and vacuum. Once that is done they are free to play Xbox or whatever thing they want to. If the fighting ensues they will get to help me take care of more things on my list. They are warned. I may be able to paint the frame on the mirror and the bathrooms then. If not - I can do that after Drop-in Bible Study in the morning. While the comforter is washing, I can start my other Reality List. And maybe - my paper mache' project can get done. My new recipe (and entering it into the contest) will serve as supper tonight.

Some of you probably do this every day. As a seat of my pants kind of gal...it is something I have to think about. Intentionality is sadly lacking most days. So this is not for you all...I admire and envy you your organizational skills. This is for those who are like me - good intentioned, yet scattered gals who give in to the desire to be piled up on the couch watching a movie with the kids or drinking coffee with a friend.....and the house to prove it.

But - tonight, when I lay my head on my pillow, I will feel accomplished. And though I am an accomplishment driven person (the list will have things like breaking in tennis shoes and making my bed - just to add to the list and make me feel even more accomplished), I understand that my worth comes from none of these things. Ultimately my worth is a deeper and freeing fact - the foundation of all of the other things. So I will be thanking God that I am a child of his * - that there is nothing I can do to make that happen - it is by his grace and mercy I am his, and fall asleep thanking my Heavenly Father for this day.

It should be a good day. I wish you a good day as well. (smile)
*See side bar

 

 

 

 (July 24, 2013)

This is a post to tell what actually happened with my day yesterday....

 - I called it. It took me all stinkin' day to fix the toilet. It was the only thing I did. I projected peace and pride in accomplishment and got frustration and brokenness. The valve that turned the water on and off to the toilet started leaking as well as the valve that turns the water on and off to the house. I fell apart. Crying and asking God why couldn't he have just made that go a little easier? I thought - if not vocalized a bit of profanity as well. So much for the warm and fuzzy list and the laying the head on my pillow feeling accomplished.

I fell asleep asking God to forgive me for my ugliness and thanking him that it was all ok. The toilet? It's fixed. The valves? They no longer leak. This is a miracle in and of itself. I did not have to call a plumber. The problem is solved by the grace of God and we were saved at least $160 by not having to call the plumber. The world in my head is SO much different than the world in reality. My goals can be so skewed. And my pride is a HUGE and MONSTROUS thing. God knows what I need most. Thank goodness for that. I suppose I will think twice before laying out  my neat and tidy lists and boasting of my ability to control my day by those lists. Great lesson - Thank goodness no matter how ridiculous I can be - I can cling to the fact that I am a child of God and he knows what will make me better. I still have hope that these things will stick with me (smile). Just thought you should know. 

Romans 8:13-1

¹³ For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
¹⁴ For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. ¹⁵ The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”