He will EXULT over me with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

 The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior [Who saves]! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]; He will exult over you with singing.

I am a people pleaser. What spurs me on is to hear praise. It is a simple, though oftentimes frustrating thing that makes me - me. I am also an accomplishment driven person. This too can be frustrating.

I have often given God the squint eye and asked him, "Why?".

Why would he make me this way? It seems to me what makes me me is also what makes me - dependent. And I don't want to be dependent. I am INdependent.  

Now that is a conundrum. ( a question or problem having only a conjectural or hypothetical answer - not that you wouldn't know that - I had to look it up to make sure I did)

But alas - my God desires my dependence on him. 

Colossians 3:16-18 (AMP)
16 Let the word [spoken by] Christ (the Messiah) have its home [in your hearts and minds] and dwell in you in [all its] richness, as you teach and admonish and train one another in all insight and intelligence and wisdom [in spiritual things, and as you sing] psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, making melody to God with [His] grace in your hearts.
17 And whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and in [dependence upon] His Person, giving praise to God the Father through Him

Upon reflection and being quite honest with where I stand...my independence is exhausting. And so flawed. I truly need and seek a place of rest. I need a place that is higher than I can hope to aspire to. A place of rest and repose.

Psalm 61:1-3
1 Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.
2 From the end of the earth will I cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed and fainting; lead me to the rock that is higher than I [yes, a rock that is too high for me].
3 For You have been a shelter and a refuge for me, a strong tower against the adversary.

And God offers it - to me - to you - every day.

I find that I take on too much. My hopes and aspirations are too grand. My failures too huge. My insight too little. I am just not quite enough. And I sense it - everyday. I see my flaws. I am mightily aware of my shortcomings. And yet....

He will exult over me with singing. He will delight in me. And he really knows me - all the ick. All the failures. All the wobbling I do. And he loves me. It inspires my trust and complete reliance on him.

Recently my husband lost his job for the second time in 3 years. I will not blame the economy. I truly have no idea why it has happened again. I find myself perplexed and empty headed at times (far too often I am afraid)...but I know that it has made me practice my dependency on God. And I have never felt more complete and at peace than I do now. Do I know we will have a job tomorrow? No. Do I know my needs have been supplied - not only supplied but blessings heaped on me today? Yes. And I am thankful. Thankful to my God for seeing and supplying and giving me understanding. So I walk in light of today. This moment. And I feel strongly that this is God's way of helping me. I depend on him moment by moment. And this dependence has come more fully than ever before because of the place we are in. If we still had a job...I would rely on myself. It is my first instinct. Like a child I repeatedly say - "I can do this by myself".

I have found that is NOT such a good thing.

John 15:10-12
Amplified Bible (AMP)
10 If you keep My commandments [if you continue to obey My instructions], you will abide in My love and live on in it, just as I have obeyed My Father’s commandments and live on in His love.
11 I have told you these things, that My joy and delight may be in you, and that your joy and gladness may be of full measure and complete and overflowing.
12 This is My commandment: that you love one another [just] as I have loved you.

Abiding in Christ - depending on him - is how my joy is complete. AND equally dumbfounding is that even though God knows me inside and out (no hiding from him my abilities or disabilities, flaws or failures) - he REJOICES over me. He is PROUD of me. He EXULTS over me with singing. And in this need of mine for approval (what I considered a flaw prior to) I can rejoice. For God gives it to me in grand measure.

Wow. Just - Wow.