I woke up with things bumping into each other in my head this morning. Why do I love pajamas so much? That egg that Grayson cracked yesterday reminded me of how we can look so beautiful on the outside and be so nasty on the inside. I need to get Andy's grill put together so we can grill tonight...or maybe tomorrow night. Should I get the 19 year old up for class or should I just let him stay there...what if he forgot set his alarm? Oh my gosh - is that the litter box I smell all the way back here?
These things. All like a bowl of spaghetti in my head. Until I rolled my butt out of the bed and looked out the window. Then I thought, those chairs for the back porch should have been here yesterday- I never saw them. I grabbed my phone and tracked it and sure enough it said it had been delivered. Yikes. I never saw them. I poke my head out the front door and there they are. And I have to put them alllllll together. Along with Andy's grill. phth.
But OH MY GOODNESS! IT IS BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE. AND IT FEELS SO GOOD!
I cannot tell you enough how much I love summer. And I love it in all of it' moods. Sunny and beautiful. Cloudy and humid. Sunny and humid. Thunderstorms are really lovely.
At least at the beginning. Summer is a stunner. It makes my heart skip.
As a paraeducator for special needs - both self contained and inclusion, I need a chunk of time to recharge my batteries. To dream. To read. To let my imagination wander down pathways - meander even. I love to meander. I am a meanderer. I just am not always able to do that. Even though it feels like my normal state. So needless to stay 9 months of full gear tend to wear me down. I pour myself into my job. Because I love it. But it can make me an emotional mess. Working with people - adults can be so hard. Women - you especially - certainly not all of you- but yeah - maybe all of you - dang girls...you gotta' get those insecurities under wraps. Of course I am talking to myself. My insecurities run RAMPANT. I think honesty kind of helps. Just let it out. Tell people your foibles.
SO THAT UP THERE....that is what it is like in my head all the time. I have to restrain it and redirect it constantly during the school year. But in the summer - I have time and space to let it go. And it is delightful.
I watch TED talks and read lots of stuff. Good stuff and bad stuff. I ponder and I act on things I have wanted to get done. The time my mind stays focused and doesn't run around like a chicken with its head cut off is when I am reading, writing, or watching movies. So I do a lot of that. I clean my house knowing once school starts it will be 9 months before it gets cleaned again. I organize and throw away, give away, re-organize - hoping that I will finally find the key to keeping things where they are supposed to be - (good luck girl -rolling my eyes).
But SUMMER...lets me roam. I don't have to get it all done. I let myself off the hook to enjoy moments that come up. I can take on too much sometimes. But normally that is not a bad thing. I make it harder than it has to be most of the time.
But my heart is thankful for it. And I enjoy it so. It really does make me better for the coming school year. I know that the students and I need it desperately!
So - here's to summer. Enjoy every minute. Happy meandering...if that's your thing. ;)