All wrapped up...in me

I will be the first one to tell you that I struggle with thinking of others first. As a matter of fact - I drive myself insane when I see how many times the conversation turns to something about me. I do it all the time. It's annoying.


But I have also noticed that I have a need to let others know I identify with what they are going through. Maybe not in the same way - but something I have gone through gives me an inkling of what they might be going through. I state it in either my post or conversation. But I have often wondered how helpful that really is. Is it truly just another way for me to talk about myself? Or - am I truly trying to help out? Is that me trying to be empathetic?

That got me to thinking about the two things. Narcissism and empathy.

If narcissism is excessive self love and empathy is the identifying with the thoughts and feelings of someone else...can empathy be a vehicle for the narcissism? A kind of closet narcissism?

I am sure we can make a vehicle out of anything to excuse our self-indulgence. Me in particular. But - I want to be more aware of how I live my life.

I have been thanking God in particular for a new revelation. I need a job. I have applied for two. I have heard nothing yet. It is getting to the point where I may need to put in for jobs less likely to make money and make me content. But we do what we have to. So of course in my seeking - I have been praying, asking God to guide and to protect and to make us content....but please help us with expenses. And then I find myself saying - if we had money, we could finally fix this and finally do this...the list is endless. And one day I realized that everything I wanted was selfish.

Of course we need money - but we could do with less to serve others. I wish I wanted money to serve others better. So I have asked God to change my heart. Make me more aware of others needs and how I can help - in a personal way. But I am so happy I finally SAW that. I thank God - of course realizing it is the first step to fixing it! Or making it better anyway.

So - back to my confusion - am I doing the same thing with my empathy? Am I being selfish?

Of course there is no one I love better than myself. But I want to be more like Jesus...

Philippians 2:
5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

What an amazing son God has. I pray that as a daughter of the King that I too can call upon the added strength and desire to be that selfless. I know it is a process and that I will never see it happen fully in this life - but I pray I see it get better. I pray that God gives me the desire, the energy, the eyes to see how to help others better. Sacrificial love is no small feat. But I would love to see that in me.

But then - I get confused again. Pray for direction. discernment. determination.

God willing it will be so.