The dailiness of everything, ways to create and cope, help and heal, learn and live!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Kicking and Screaming or Gracefully....

I don't know. I go back and forth.

The other day I had my glasses on and happened to be in really good light and looked down at my feet. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Holy cow. I needed a pedicure. In the worst way.

What was appalling was not so much that I couldn't SEE how bad my feet were, but that they were that bad. they never used to be this difficult to maintain. Oh! It makes me angry. And then as I was reminded of something from my past.

I used to do nails and pedicures in college. I worked at a day spa for a friend of mine's mom. It was fun. Sort of - I really sucked at it and never found my groove there. But I LOVED the nail polish and the fella that cut hair there did an amazing job - AND - he was hilarious. That made it all worth while.

One day I was taking care of an older woman's feet. This woman could have been 42 and I would have considered her old at the time. I was 24. I let their feet soak in a vibrating bath for about 10 minutes before I started the pedicure. As I lifted those feet from the bath and saw the task before me - I was horrified. Inside my head was screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! But - thankfully I had rubber gloves - like surgeon's gloves - I can do anything in surgeons gloves and I set to get those feet back in pristine condition...in the end...they were a better version of themselves. But dang. They needed that pedicure. And that is putting it nicely.

Now here I am - the old fart - in the same boat. Makes me so mad I could spit nails. I DON'T WANT TO BE OLD. As I did the pedicure I was thinking, "this can never happen again - I will never let my feet go like that EVER again. I will fight against the effects of time with every fiber of my being. I WILL continue to color my hair and use ROC with retinol to reduce the signs of aging. I will tan those legs to disguise the spider veins and vericose veins that occured during the child bearing years."

Well - it's just exhausting. It truly an uphill battle!

But then there are these amazing moments of clarity and peace - where I actually feel that I am finally embracing the idea of where I am right now. The fact that I am in fact becoming older. I am by no means old. Though I lack the freshness of my 20's - even my 30's - there is a sage wisdom (not in huge amounts mind you) that I have gained over the years that I didn't have then. I think there will come a point where I cross over totally - and become totally okay with my older skin and worn feet. As long as  my heart stays young and tender - I think I will - eventually - grow old gracefully. And this makes me smile.

2 comments:

  1. Missy, I thought I had commented earlier this morning, but I guess I neglected to click the "post comment" button. I thoroughly enjoy reading your blogs each time you write. This one in particular really got me to thinking. I can't relate per the "pedicure", but I can as far as the "getting older". I am 10 yrs. your younger but we are by no means "old", just older. My back injury has really taken its toll on me the past 6 months, and made me feel very very old. Thank you for your blog. Hope you and the family are doing great. Hoping to be able to see you at the reunion here in a few months.

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  2. Looking forward to seeing you Jesse. I hope you back feels better soon - I know healing is a slow process. I am glad you enjoy the blog! That makes me happy to hear!

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Let me know what you think and how you deal with things. I am always looking to do things better!